humans are perpertually being deceived.
being deceived by the elements of the world, their family, their friends, their lovers and also their crushes, even strangers deceived.
when one deceived out of goodwill, is it still bad?
king lear was being deceived on his deathbed that Cordelia might still be alive and he died with hope. so is it still bad?
the whole notion of disguise and deception is a double-edged sword.

i love this, seriously:
what your eyes don't see,
your ears don't hear,
your heart doesn't grief.

it's so true. so very true.

many times when someone intentionally keep a secret from you, i believed it's mostly out to prevent you from being hurt; or selfishly to save their own skin.
i believed everyone think before speaking a lie.
so avoid employing various methods to know the secret. it will hurt you in the end.
"and the heart is afraid of suffering."


cip ystd was waywayyyyy hilarious.
we learnt about anger management, effective time planning, hunger management, the ability to react immediately to sudden changes, protecting self-rights, the importance of pre-planning and how to be a carpark attendant.

it's one of the slackest cip i've ever done. we even have the chance to go qiling's place for high tea! ((:
i suck at reillustrating details so please procceed to qiling's blog.
(qiling's so hilarious that i can't stop laughing when i read her smses and i looked dumbed laughing with myself)

but yeah, it was an easy way to get 8 cip hours! ((:
but cleaning the kids' butt seems much much more eventful :D (but i only get 4hrs! hurhur)

it's nice seeing njcians dressing up.
it definitely breaks the grey monotony.

and qiling can't stop laughing at my 'free angklung concert ticket' sms

i wondered how's things over at kuantan. must be at some river or mountain.
((:

ilovecherylbabe! ilovesagcSIEW ((:
cheryl blew me away! -screams-

khairi told me that dave said that almost all the crescent girls he knows are very angsty and they all feel that most men are almost as useless as garbage (in my own words)
to me, it's true.
guys are jerks just like buses do.

God will provide. the best for me.


you know it's over when it's over.

it was dumb of me on my part.
let bygones be bygones.

on a lighter note:

guess who!?!

this is what boredom did to me and qiling during econs lecture! :D

qiling and me are two lucky shit! ((:
but one month of absence is going to kill poor qiling and maybe me.

impromptu stayover was funny enough. though we didnt do much except to try to study for around 1/2hr for our econs test 7hrs later.
hai. it's alright. we have yet to reach economies of scales in our revision :

thanks jas for accompanying me for cip today! hope you enjoyed yourself too ((:
at least we shared our love, we shared our grace by God, we shared our strength and we shared our smiles.
and at the end of all these hard work, we smiled ((:
"i've never expected it to be more tiring than soccer training"
haha! and for the first time, jas cleaned fatihah's butt! and hafyz wetted and shitted in his pants twice (and both times, i was attending to him.)
and i saw joy from rj! i am glad that there are people who share my love for them :D

isn't it wonderful to find a guy who needs Christ as much as you?
isn't it great to go to church with your husband and have worship together?
isn't it fabulous to bring up your kids in Christ's love?
and this is why i would want to think before i act.
rationality must be over emotions.
jas agrees with me too.

i enjoyed chatting with qiling and jas on the bus ((:
hope it's not too late to blossom our budding friendships even though we are one year late.
:D

last night, i saw the most starry night ever.
i can barely count the number of stars, alright!
and we had a dirty little secret -winks-
we are guilty )):
the stars lost in the enormity of universe, mirroring my inner self, my lost soul.

the best feeling is to be appreciated :D
i am a happy girl outside nj :D

i'm going to try to study for my common tests.
i am determined to try harder ((:
at least for now HAHA!

khairi said mr a l e o n g actually quite like me cos' i am able to stand all his crap
hmm. he had to take my crap too actually.
it's just a love hate relationship. at least i am sure he's a better civics tutor.

i realised i'm too critical with myself.
i want too much out of myself.
but for don't know what reason.

being a teacher is a job that reaps no benefits.
a teacher needs to suffer the angst of the students, controls her emotions, keep her cool, answer questions TO THE POINT without redirecting the questions back to the students, manage her time wisely, do not push the blame to the students cause i feel that both are at fault and stop being so biased even he might have the tendency to.

it really sucks.
so is it better to have a fulfilling job but always force to suppress your true temper and keep a prim and proper image or to just get a job that is self-centered like a banker or smth?

anyway, some pics from the class outing! ((:

the girls! :D




3 subber gang! ((:

last sports day today. reminds me of the sports day last year!!
haha! me, dora and qiling were so screwed lah! we crawled through some small hole in a gate and dora soiled her skirt and my bag tore!
but this year, i stayed for my first and last sports day in nj. yeahyeah.
nice enough but tiring.

"what the eyes don't see,
the heart does not grief"

i wonder how is it like to marry mr whitby. his passion is surging, his views of this world is much more complex much more in depth. he sees things we do not. personally, i feel that he's those kind of men that can be both very rational and also very irrational. maybe marrying this kind of men can be quite a chore.
loving him is like loving a emotional bomb.

i am adding this:

"what the ears don't hear,
the brain don't think
and the heart won't grief."

and if someone refuses to reveal some stuff to you, it's for your own good.
ignorance can be a bliss.
serious.



if only you knew.
if only the world knows.

singapore idol is HIGHLY ENTERTAINING! ((:
singapore cowboy vs the kungfu rapper


the kungfu rapper

i can't find the cowboy's picture. SORRY! ((:
but the entire audition show was super hilarious. i looked dumb laughing at the computer screen when i was watching the show simultaneously.
i saw the guy who came for the first auditions 2 yrs back.
the subtitles wrote "Please do not adjust your volume. This is the actual volume" and he was singing at some inaudible sound just like what he did 2 years back! ((:
haha.
i don't really wanna be mean. but it's really funny!

i watched dcj the entire yesterday.
10 hrs of dcj. it was tiring but i think dcj teaches really good values!
in the end, the evil harms the evil.
left one more dvd which is 4 more hours to finish my entire dcj craze (((:

i think felicia chin is pretty ((:

class outing's turnout was HAHA!!
we were supposed to catch the 11.45am show at cine but we ended up watching the 1.20pm at plaza sing.
chiew was fashionably late lah! she needs to dress up for our first ever class outing! ((:
and this time, we were against from taking neoprints so we used the most cheapo method to take a neoprint pic; using digi cam!
that's why digi cams are for what!
shall upload the pics when gin uploads it! ((:
anw, samuel and terence came! PLEASE EXCLAIM!!

die. i've yet start studying for my econs test!
and jaslyn is scolding me -sobs-

me and jaslyn were 2 kind souls today :D
thank God for giving us strength and normality ((:

alright. i gotta fly. before jas screams at me again!
econs rawks my socks!

terence said m s ng has a daughter.
what a joke! hahaha! SO NOT TRUE LAH

ming zheng hao and changjin are so sweet,
i told my bro to find me a ming zheng hao and he calls me mad.
)):


what if i said,
i am your shadow.

my bro finally borrowed dcj vcd ((:
i'm going to indulge in changjin's miserable life.

after studying brave new world, i realised the theory of relativism is so so true and accurate

"i don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."

i hate the idea of being under the control of superiors. yeah, it's true that they have the right to reprimand and criticise for any wrongdoings, but at the same time, ain't they supposed to support and motivate the rest?
this sucks cos' my manager at work pissed me off.
this sucks cos' my ct screams at us randomly
it's true. it's really true that they should scold when we have done something wrong. but have you seen me worked my ass off? and i definitely DON'T feel that the pay is a reflection of my hard (manual) work and have you seen our class sweeping the school, cleaning it up for 3 hours ?and i can cross my heart and say that you didn't even bloody announce that cash payment issue. you did everything to save your own skin.
everyone does things to save their own skin.

will the VIPs ever wondered who sweep the floor before they stepped on that nicely-swept cemented floor?
will the VIPs feel honoured for having a nice gaberra hung on their pockets?
will the VIPs noticed the glass door that is painfully wiped?
everyone's just out to impress the VIPs.

argh. this world is all about image. though it might be almost insignificant
this world is all about packaging, about promoting.
this world is selfish, self-centered, self-praise, self-indulgement, self-delusded.
everything concerning oneself.

i am fatigued. i am tired.

cip ystd was enriching yet again. i got to know more about the kids too ((:
that's something to be happy for. at least for this week

and fun fair was bitter sweet.


it's still early.
it's better to come out sooner than later.
hahaha.

i starting to believe that there's a changjin in everyone.

so much tribulations. so much pain. so much grief.
happiness after trials then another screwed up situation fall upon her again
she's bery bery suay lah. that's all i can say

brave new world. o brave new world.

band band band
i just wanna do well for my last ever concert.
just wanna do well. better than last year's.

one year is almost up.


and it seems so long that i feel so old.
at least memories still etched

At Castle Boterel

Thomas Hardy

As I drive to the junction of lane and highway,
And the drizzle bedrenches the waggonette,
I look behind at the fading byway,
And see on its slope, now glistening wet,
Distinctly yet

Myself and a girlish form benighted
In dry March weather. We climb the road
Beside a chaise. We had just alighted
To ease the sturdy pony's load
When he sighed and slowed.

What we did as we climbed, and what we talked of
Matters not much, nor to what it led,-
Something that life will not be balked of
Without rude reason till hope is dead,
And feeling fled.

It filled but a minute. But was there ever
A time of such quality, since or before,
In that hill's story? To one mind never,
Though it has been climbed, foot-swift, foot-sore,
By thousands more.

Primaeval rocks form the road's steep border,
And much have they faced there, first and last,
Of the transitory in Earth's long order;
But what they record in colour and cast
Is-that we two passed.

And to me, though Time's unflinching rigour,
In mindless rote, has ruled from sight
The substance now, one phantom figure
Remains on the slope, as when that night
Saw us alight.

I look and see it there, shrinking, shrinking,
I look back at it amid the rain
For the very last time; for my sand is sinking,
And I shall traverse old love’s domain
Never again.

this poem is about an old man revisiting the place where he had went with his old love a long long time ago. he went there to recapture the happy moment and his youth.

"I look back at it amid the rain for the very last time; for my sand is sinking" this shows that his time is up and he's dying soon. the sand is representative of the sand flowing in the hour glass.

"Something that life will not be balked of without rude reason till hope is dead, and feeling fled." this "something" that he is referring to is love. with hope and feelings, there is always love. and life gives us hope and feelings, therefore after death, there will be no more love. therefore we see in the last 2 line;"and i shall traverse old love's domain never again" this means that he will never fall in love again as he dies as he only had one love when he was alive.

i'll fall in love with anyone who tells write me a very very sentimental love poem.

i definitely will.

one needs great love to write a love poem. great emotions to write a good poem.

and a big heart to accept criticisms.

ilovepoets.

maybe except herbert. hughes is fabulous! :D:D

haha.

qiling is so funny.

HOW ON EARTH CAN U SWITCH AND SWOP EYECANDY!?!!??!

!*^&*%(^&;*&%^&#$@

kudos to beets and atiqah! i think they have put on a FABULOUS fight!

they owned the entire hockey match against vj!

we were draw all the way till the penalties. and we most prob will lose by only 1-2 penalties.

the match was breathtaking, nerve wrecking. especially the penalties and the short corners.

vj had like 4 short corners and they didn't even managed to score a goal.

and i realised everyone's just biased against nj.

i TOTALLY don't believe no one mugs.

if you do manage to scrape through to get into jc, it means that you DO mug for exams.

everyone mugs what!

what's the hoo huh about who mugs openly and who mugs behind closed closets?

isn't it better to mug openly than to be a closed closets mugger?

i actually despised those who openly announced that they don't mug but actually they are secretly leading a closed closet muggers' life.

come on, if you are a student, live you life as one. especially a jc student.

you won't even know how hard nj tries to make life better until you try to experience it yourself.

sometimes, i do see the school trying. trying too hard though, but i do appreciate the effort.

afterall, it's the people that matter, not the school

i'm being contradicting lah! i am supposed to hate nj.

but i just can't stand the misconception. can't stand.

what hath men not sought out and found

but his dear God?

sherly chua told me there's this guy always lurking around chinese high.
that guy LOVES looking at chinese high guys with their sexy hot shorts and he takes 154 or smth so that he can look at guys from acs barker and sji too!

he's a BIG BIG PSYCHO! -yells-
but at least he looks at guys and not girls.

this world is filled with weird weird people.
this world is warped, rem?

mr song cheated us for maths test. so much for being an easy paper

snapped. SNAPPED. snapped.

i finally understood part of the slow emo song in DCJ.
"where is the love whom i pine for in solitude?"
love definitely exists in every countries, in every languages.

there's a big hoo huh over the da vinci code movie. the emergence of books that explore the truth behind the fiction.
and i thank God that He is so true.

watching this movie doesn't show that i am supporting the values of dan brown and definitely doesn't suggest to non-believers/pre-believers that i support this attack on Christianity.

but i must admit that when i first read the book, my faith was shaken.
but that was when i were sec3.
according to some writings, young christians' faith that are shaken might wonder is Christianity is one big cover-up perpertuated by a power-hungry emperor (Constantine) and his religions lackeys.

may thy faith be not shaken by the world's propaganda to pursue science and abandon religion. personally, i feel that when there are religions, there is no real science. faith is a religion is something mysterious, it worketh in the hearts. definitely not explainable by research and experiments.

"O wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beautious mankind is!
O brave new world,
That has such people in't!"

brave new world is a scary novel.
i can see what huxley has predicted in 1940s coming true now.
and according to huxley, misery stems from us wanting too much. it's because we want to be happy, we are therefore miserable.
in life, everything's relative. without happiness, how do we know the extent of misery?
furthermore, if the world is perfect, there will be no hero as no one will need to fight and save the day, there will be no immense satisfaction after going through a trial since there will be no trials at all.

"o brave new world"

i did no fault.

"If in this life only we have hope in Christ,
we are of all men most miserable."
1 Cor 15:19

i've no idea why that person could make me feel so upset.

grace sent me this very interesting email


this is a 3D drawing on the ground. it's so real that people are trying to avoid the hole.


a girl in the pool.


the side angle of the 3D drawing above.

INCREDULOUS RIGHT?
i am actually impressed by this 3D artist.

a joke in some forwarded mail

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do you mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level

personally, i feel that it's pretty hilarious. most probably cos' i could connect with this boy.


i transferred all my grief to speed.
i love to run. cos' i pretty much love to run away from my grief.
but i didn't expect there's really so much grief within me.

today's run was one of the fastest ever.
i've no idea why but before i started running, i was weeping.
i wept as i walked. i walked as i wept.
all was gone when steps were quickened.

it's amazing how single-minded one could get when one start running.
at least it took me away from my pain and grief.

don't ask me what i am griefing over, cos' i've no idea too.

perhaps i should grief more and i can run faster for my 2.4 run.
dang.

and i guess, i pretty much weak inside.
like you once said, it's just some form of self-defence mechanism for me.

i can form a reservoir by accumulating my tears and perhaps ginny's tears ever since last year.
right, ginny?

but i learnt in church today that all these grief, happiness, material goods and relationships are all temporal. what matters most is when we finally die and attain eternal life.
i know. i know. but what about practical christian living?
i can barely walk closer to God. i can barely asked for His forgiveness cos' i am so sinful.


absence?


happy early birthday.
have a nice day.

today's a lucky day. finiancially wise.

weixian treated us to currywok ((:
and work was seemingly less tedious as compared to ystd's and it comes with easy money
:D

but after all the hardwork and diligience and following everything by the book,
maybe i do deserve this little reward -beams-
but i am feeling a little undeserving, a little guilty and rather sinful
)):
how now brown cow?

today's wedding was for a singaporean man and a china lady. me and this auntie just assumed that the guy bought the wife over to s'pore.
there's just this unexplained notion that there isn't any true love in their relationship.
in these recent years, it's rather common that singaporean guys are looking, or in fact, buying their wives from overseas like china, vietnam. it seems to many that singaporean ladies find local guys uncompatible and even undeserving. according to that auntie, she feels that singapore ladies are more attracted to guys with 5 Cs, guys from the superpower countries.
and that make them feel more elevated. elevated in social class. it's the same theory with why more and more china people are queueing to be a PR in s'pore. perhaps, by being a s'pore PR, it makes you feel more high class that all the country pumpkins left in china.

i admit that i am a very very cynnical person.
i'm truly am.
maybe there exist true love between today's wedding couple.
i believe they do, if they put away all their bad intentions (if they ever have one before) and learn to love each other.

i do somehow believe love can be cultivated over time.

congrats to gin's new short(er) hair ((:
we all love cutting hair. we all love SHORT hair :D


does absence really make the heart grows fonder?

this world is warped.


get sick of me, please.
i don't deserve it.
are you saying that to me too?
maybe you don't even know.

do i truly mean what i've said thus far?

i realised that bitching is no longer my forte.
i can't and in fact, i've nothing to bitch. nothing to gossip.
or perhaps no one to do it with
(unless i am with my crescent girlies. the usual bitchy trio)

trio outing was nice ((:

with them, you will realised that growing up is just part and parcel of life (duh!) but you also realised how fast time slipped passed you without you realising it speeding through your entire life.
it seems only yesterday that i was 14.

i am feeling old. old and rickety.

i was complained for being an inexperienced waitress today.
dang.
if they are so good, they should be a waitress too.
it's really hard to debone a promfret.
There was this guest (most likely the one who complained about me) who left the fish that i painstakingly deboned, untouched.
i cut it into nice little slices for her but she didn't even bother to eat it.
argh.
i hate deboning fishes lah. it's highly challenging and extremely tiring.
and the table was so small. i can barely reached out to the dishes to do portioning.
*angst.
and law can't stop being his usual self. 'don't make me start my nonsense all over again... blah blah'
when did he ever stop his nonsense? it's just that i didnt get to work with him

just when i thought stars signs and astrology might be a little accurate,
i think i'm all wrong again.

xinlin suggested that we should change church.
but it's so hard to find a prim and proper one.
but at least, we might be happier with a more comfortable place for fellowship and perhaps our spiritual life will get a lift.

anw, i am going to say grace before every meal ((:
though i am not entirely convinced that by saying grace before every meal shows that one is a good christian though their life might not be even honouring God.


no one dies a virgin cos' life screwes us all.
stop it.

today's sky mirrored our feelings within.
till the sun comes out in the noon.

how often do we feel so tired of putting on a brave front and would rather let our emotions run our day?
today's the day.

ever since i stepped into jc, i'm in perpetual moodswings.
it's not as if moodswings are rare when i was in crescent, it was just less significant.

i really hate to compare my life now and then.
i hate it.
but life just slipping away. and everything's turning to grey

thanks everyone.
i know everyone's thinking what's the big deal of not running as well. since i've already been a good sport by turning up for the sports heat. (our class wasn't even bothered to turn up for last yr's race)
but it's. it's like. it's like.
argh
i can't put it into words.
However, as time goes by, this event will just decrease in significance and slowly out of my life.
but there are certain things that last for a lifetime.

lifetime

i think herbert is a very very ingenious poet. his heaven poem was so WHAO!
out of the norm, actually.
hughes is an extremely exciting poet. his poems are filled with surprises.

how i wished lit paper can be just one-liners and everyone can get an A in it.
lit is so much fun. so much passion
but so hard to score and afterall marks are all that matters.
dang.

haha. if ur ring finger is longer than your index finger.
you are supposed to be more man-ly
HAHAHHAHA! this is hilarious.

thanks qiling and dora for the pangsei-ed trip to the school gate ARH!
hahaha
fine lah! i can walk to the gate by myself

i am feeling better.
much better.


and i think your way of treating a friend is so flawed.
it's making me filled with disgust.
argh.

thanks people
i've received lotsa attention.

it's really a small thing i realised. it's not as if it's nationals.
it's just sports HEATS.


whatever.
farewell last sports heats.

i had a lot of fun today. seriously.
until my expectations failed me.

it started off well with qilingbabe re-re-reillustrating her encounter with her oh-so-cute guy. patting her shoulders, wishing her all the best and telling her she's quite a good player. it was so funny ((: qiling really perked me up with all her energry within.

econs lect was fun too ((: qiling, dora and i were drawing like crazy on our econs notes with all the funny faces and curly hair and missing teeth and little boy-liked hairstyle.

i had lunch with the soccer girls and jas and i were playing with MY yupi gummy bears. we were reenacting scenes with the gummy bears. HAHAHA! and qiling pulled me off the bench but i landed gracefully on my butt and when qiling did it another time and the soccer girls tried to save me by pulling my the other arms. at that instance, i thought i was the rope in the tug-a-war game.

but all was fun.

until i finally decided to run for our class' 4x100m race. and dang.
i got myself into this demoralisation. IRKS!
i wasn't left with much of a choice, so i was FORCED to be the first runner and this totally sucks. my reaction time lag is like 3 secs more than any human being and i can't pick up speed when i start the race when i start from a stationary point.
and being such lousy sprinter and time lagger, i actually tripped on my own steps for the start of the race.
FABULOUS. we are going to be last.
but with God's grace and my team members' talents, we managed to get a 3rd placing and we missed by 0.32 seconds to get into the finals.
dang. obviously, it's my bloody fault.

and stop telling it's NOT my fault. cos' i know i didn't even put in my best at all. that was like a shit run. SHIT RUN. i didn't even feel any adrenaline rush before and after my race(which i normally do). i didn't even experienced an increase in heartbeat per min. (sprints make your heart beat faster.)
dang. i am so screwed.
i screwed up the entire race when they tried SO SO HARD to run so bloody fast.
argh.
i shouldn't even have agree to run.
and i disgraced myself before godknowswho.
and i let myself down.
and those who cheered me on. dang.

but thanks liyana for the shirt. i was a canoeist for 45mins. WHAHAHA

furthermore, i screwed up my college day rehearsal.
i didnt even have a proper warm up and i've the audicity to play on stage.
whatever lah

i am finally convinced that i lead a screwed up life.

during gp the other day, we were discussing about lying.
is lying for a noble cause still something intolerable?
lying to a friend that her dress sense is good so she won't be upset,
lying to a friend that results doesn't matter for at least she tried her best
and lying to a friend that she didn't cause her whole team to come in 3rd cos' she is utterly incompetent.
is lying then still bad?
or is lying good for the sake of other people's happiness?

but i just feel that it's completely useless to convince me that it wasn't my fault, cos' i feel the guilt in my bones, i feel it within me. it flows through my every vein and slowly sucking me up.
the only justification for my act is that i haven't sprint for ages and i didn't even have time to train.
i aint got any talent, rem? i need to train.

argh.
and at that point of time, i needed someone to tell me it's ok. i can try harder. someone who will just let me wallow in self-pity.
but not people who tell me that i was good enough, i've already did very well or it wasn't my fault at all.
it really doesn't make me feel better.
but i really really appreciated all their effort, but these wasn't what i want.
i am angsty. i love wallowing in self-pity.

i finally understood how it feel to fall below personal expectations.
and i am really sorry to that someone that i've been very critical to.
and i really wanna tell that someone what happened at that instance,
cos' i thought that someone might be able to understand and we can just wallow in self-pity together.
but that someone is nowhere to be seen.

terence just msg-ed me. and i reckon it's all my bloody fault.
BLOODY BLOODY FAULT!!!
and i will be the one who will die when i walked into class.
sorry a01 )):

"to you it might be art, music, dance, writing. i love those as well, no doubt.
but to me, its running thats special"
ripped this from someone's blog and i realised there's no particular thing that i really really enjoy doing that i will even sacrifice my life for it.
running for trackers.
stunts for bikers and skaters.
solos for electric players, musicians.
dance for dancers
writing for novelists, poets and playwrights.
mugging for studious students.
and nothing for me.
electric guit to me is a skill, so is french horn. skateboarding was mainly for entertainment and running leisurely is for interest and destressing.
there's nothing special in my life that really really appeals to me
maybe Christ that i'll die for.

but it's easy for me to give up my life for Christ cos' i pretty much doesn't have any commitments in anything.

my life is really screwed. i don't even excel in any single shit.
not even in my studies,
and spiritual life too.



so much more.
so much more inside.

don't ask me why i ended up watching a soccer match at jj.
jj vs yj.

i think other than knowing how to kick in a soccer game, the player also needs to know how to protect his ball from the ball and also know how to fall flat on the ground with immense pain after losing a ball.

and today i finally understood why i always feel that jj has so little people as compared to nj and that's because nj has ip kids also. that means we have so much so much more people as compared to theirs.

today's maths lesson was wayyyy funn ((:
mr song was late for half an hour and so ruthu and i decided to play pepsi cola 123 in our already very messy classroom. so me, kj, janvin and ruthu played for the 1st round and adrain joined in for the 2nd round.
it was hilarious seeing kj fleeing desperately for his life (he killed me in the 2nd round)
kj can be a very nice classmate, but definitely not a nice friend.

maths lessons have alw been hilarious with e Z band pple. (yeh, we are branded. X,Y,Z and T)
pin redemption programme. 25 pins for 2 prelim qns (mr song rolled his eyes at this) or 25 pins for 1 free period.
HAHAHA

i just realised i had asked for my own death by agreeing to play for stageband.
i just practiced for an hour plus and i still haven finished learning 1 song.
)):

nvm. i'm gonna try harder.


personally, i feel it's really sad that a person who is very gifted in something underperform due to some external factor that can't be eradicate. However, i feel that if it's a known fact, one should learn how to use the knowledge of that particular smth to educate others so that others can benefit and his talents won't be wasted.
it's still fulfilling one's dreams right.
not by your own glory but through others, you still deserve the glory and praise
isn't it so?
i'm not sure cos' i pretty much doesn't have any talent.
mine are all skills picked up over the years.

these years,
i've learnt to come to terms with reality.
random reality timechecks have been implemented on me quite often.

m il ub ing looks so cute. but i finally realised, they are just virtual people to me
i'll never get to know them.

i feel lost. cos i feel lost.
though i've learn to accept reality,
reality haven't really sink in to me yet.



i am wandering. so is my brain, so is my heart.
and the withered flowers showed how far i've come.
cos' they've already been covered with dust.

"I've got a wound that doesn't heal, burning out again
Burning out again
I'm not sure which of me is real, I'm alone again
Burning out again
My hope runs underneath it all the day that i'll be home
Lets the weak say I am strong and it won't be long
Let the right say I was wrong and it won't be long
Let us find where we belong, beyond this setting sun
beyond this setting sun"
switchfoot. the setting sun.


flea market was an eye opening for me definitely:D
i saw this really nice retro bag but i decided not to buy it cos' everyone reckons that i keep buying new bags.
DANG.
everything at the flea market was either very ancient stuff or toys.
it was like WHAO!
i saw this super antique nj badge and actually i wanted to buy it to replace my already-missing collar pin. ((:
lyd saw this really cute clutch. a monkey called george?
and i got myself a moo moo toufu man! ((:

flea market is ever sunday at china square central at cross street (near chinatown)

talking about retail therapy, it really does wonders on me!!
and it helps the most when there's a sale going on :D

weekends have been unproductive as ever.

and elections and politics turned out to be not my cup of tea.
esp in this dog eat dog society.

virgin suicides is a warped show, but it does set me thinking.


maybe signs and astrology really do wonders.


random is art.


What good is a heart, if you're not gonna use it?
What good is your love, if you're too scared to choose it?
If your heart is beating, then it's for a reason
If you're not even willing to start, what good is a heart?

SORRY SHUYI! ((:
yeah shu and eunice came all the way to potong pasir to meet us from vch! and they climbed over the gate and got stuck and stratched themselves.

anw, ystd we had super till 2am and i reached hime at 3am.
super bloody late but was fun enough ((:
we should have taken pictures thru the night

and i reckon singapore has good night bus services :D


waiting anxiously for the election's results.



tell me i look 18.
why do i feel that i don't look my age?

"Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people"
damn.
i'm gonna die young. but at least gin and jean will be sending me off ((:
that's something to be glad for.
and "Polar bears are left-handed"
maybe i were a polar bear in my last life -_-"


back to my cip topic.
i think it's good to be a volunteer cos' i get to meet the kids of every level.
presch to junior class and to senior class.
i met kids with downsyndrome, autism and mental retardation
and they behave differently though they have the same illnesses.

they was this kid with physical deformities like a protruding chest, a kid with feeble knees so he wore knee guards through the day, a kid who loves strings a lot, a kid who hate PE.
and according to sis,
the kid who loves strings love strings due to autism.
autistic kids tend to focus on something and their lives are driven by that something. they are very focused and apparently very smart as well.

and the sweetiest thing ystd was this kid taking my hand and kissed it.
((:
so sweet.
and his hands were so smooth. the rest of the kids as well ((:

delight. happiness. satisfaction

latest news
W P got a seat in the parliament. but according to my bro, the GRC upgrading might be slower cos' he doubt they will have enough funds for the lift upgrading and blah blahs
he envisioned that borrowing of funds from the government might be hindered as he's part of W P but not P A P
according to my parents, the rise of votes for opposition has rise tremendously.
this shows that citizens now perhaps might start to have a mind of their own.

but i am glad enough.
i don't really want to see a single party parliament.

talking abt elections directly is very risky.
let's use a metaphor: types of economis; monopolies and oligopolies.
economists dislike the formation of monopolies. monopolies create price hikes and reduces consumer's welfare.
with oligopolies, businessmen will tend to make the economy more competitive and promotes consumer's welfare
(note this importance of consumer's welfare, afterall all that matter to the voters.)

furthermore, with more opposition party members in the parliament, laws passed will undergo more stringent debates before they are passed.
afterall, P A P still have a large margin over the opposition parties


(all comments are purely writer's comments and should not to be taken seriously by any readers of this blog. Furthermore, writer has been desperately trying to quantify her sentences with no absolute statements so as to open views for further discussions.)


and this led me to another question
should a country focus more on economic development or social welfare?

but many examples have shown that economic developments most probably stand a greater priority in the goverment's eyes.

enough of politics.
i hope i wont get into a trouble.
but if blogs are just abt nonsensical rantings,
then WHAT'S THE POINT of broadcasting?

i have everything in my life.
God and friends.
and even there's this tiny part of my life that is not satisfied,
i still have everything in my life.

((:

the epilogue of sa band concert was SUPERB.
me, yuchen, mad, shuzk, eunice, affairdeGRACE, joannebabe and debbb.
a whole list of gorgeous babes ((:

we cabbed from some ulu place to town after searching high and low for a 154 bus stop in potong pasir and ended up at the kopitiam at *scape.
it seems like all of us have grew up in a way of another. mentally, physically and emotionally. which is really good.
i am so proud to be a BAND member. a member of cgssb.
and whoever thinks that band is a boring cca, think twice.

saw yf with his botok head
JANICE GOH! my sec 2 fave snr.
layneyap, my all time favourite.
shhhh!'s sister.
and lotsa nj band peeps.

i wonder if i will ever share this kind of friendship with the fellow band members in nj?


cip was tramautising for me. seriously. perhaps my way of handling her was wrong.
there was this down syndrome girl who spat at me cos' i sort of raised my voice a little when she did something really rude to me.

i got really dejected at my failure of being able to connect with them and i see my dream of becoming a teacher that care for them shatter.
i was overly protective, overly concerned, overly paranoid.

when they fall, my response was "are you ok?" as i stretches out my hands for them,
but the teachers' responses were "come, stand up on your own!"
i don't teach them to help themselves, i teach them to be reliant on me.
and this should not be the way.

i am gonna work harder than this.
at least now i know i've got a little bit of patience.

school today was short.
sorry babes for not being able to go currywok.
but i had the weirdest conversation with khairi, liyana and SAMUEL.
it was weird. we talked abt R&R. religion and relationship.
the relationship conversation was very shallow but it got me triggered a little.




and sometimes when you have it,
you don't want it anymore.

i reckon i got polypersonalities.
i can behave in so many different ways i can hardly recognise myself and sometimes when i say or do a particular thing i don't really mean it and i feel that i'm not behaving like myself at all.
like gushing over a cartoon character?
i've no idea.
but maybe over time, i might REALLY start to gush over that character.
i guess, i'm this kind of person.

but i guess that there are some people whom you think at first glance is goodlooking, and then the more you know them, the uglier they get? apparently, it's the inside that matters.
and though it's cliche, it's true.

well done jaslyn! :D
and i realised training consistenly do help in improving your stamina.
sometimes, i asked myself why i didn't join a sports cca in the first place. maybe i will start soaring well in a particular cca. like how jonerpi is excelling in his new found passion for hockey one year back and he's REALLY doing very well.

but qiling said,
"no matter how much you hate band, you'll never hate performing on the stage."
never. never. will never hate performing on the stage.
and that brings me back to my first performance and last yr's performance.
every performances brings me to a greater height of endurance.
and i see familiar faces among the crowd. i see their faces amongst people.
cos they are the ones i'm performing for.
and jean and ginny will get the best seats too ((:
but please, please don't be late.

there were so many instances and circumstances,
that i must say i missed you truckloads.
truckloads.
you. YOU and you.


what's with the segregation betweens arts and sci?
i've nth much to say.

i got a goodest friend, mr stanley :D

he made me two very special websites
http://annie.youaremighty.com/
http://annie.youaremyfriend.com/

I AM SO IMPRESSED!
alright. he's going to win for his match tmrw!
WHAHAHAHA! i am easily bribed


(i want to get a new cam so i can snap down everything show you guys how hilarious my class is)

today's trip down to the school bus stop after maths with qilingbabe was ULTRA hilarious
while the rest of the sci fac were preparing for their chem spa. me anf qiling tried to minger into the crowd wishing them all the best and other ulterior motives
WHAHAHAHA!
it was super hilarious how we try to find someone that we know in the crowd to say hie! and i was busy trying to justify my presence at that instance.

and qiling had the audicity to ask me to keep the bimbo book so that we will portray the image of HIGH CLASS and ELEGANCE with utmost INTELLECT
it was FUNNY. seriously.
with qiling, everyday seems to be a different joke.

han shang gong died. how scheming can the cui family gets.
argh.



on a sidenote, if you type milubing in google search
they(google) will suggest that you type clubbing.
haha.

congrats qiling for her new spongebob wallet, her new phone, her new fastest 2.4 timing and her already digested muffin :D

go listen to travis ((:
nicenice

welcome to the world of the self-deluded.

and i realised, i've been deceiving myself all along
there's nothing i could do to wake myself to senses.
i can't. i just can't leave everything behind.

and i don't believe in stars and signs.
i really don't.

and sometimes, i don't mean what i say.


meeting up with crescent snr is satisfying.
it's those kind of having this familiar support that was lost but found again.
in that instance.
everything's gone when that instance is over.
and i am this sadistic.


milubing. milubing. all the way.
i saw them smiled through their entire performance
and i suddenly missed playing on stage.


alright. gin's back! :D
and i am going out with qilingbabe tmrw! ((:
at least they keep me going.



i'll fall asleep tonight,
cos that brings me closer to you.