Saturday, September 30, 2006

jean teo. you are so jinxed.
always making me run around to find money!

haha. serious. both of us are forever walking around and wasting money and end up with no money so we have to run around to look for friends who can lend us money!

and thanks chewy for being in town to lend me 2bucks ((:
and i bought this set of rockstar/band stickers with drums, guitar and everything :D
and i gave jean the drumset and drumsticks! :D

saw this really cool jazz band ((: from erm i forget where. haha.
they were really good, especially the lead-ist and the drummer :D

and we saw human statues busking :D reminds me of that crescent's function when we were human statues that can't stop moving and laughing!

us ((:

and my fave lamian in crystal jade :D

and i took picture with a human-sized cartoon character
but jean haven upload it.

yay nice day ((:

jean just sent me some more pics ((:

a jap boy that we met at crystal jade. he speaks in funny accent with his 'EX-CUSSSE ME' and he eats his lamian standing cos' it was too long for him.

this is the human-sized cartoon character. i think he's too new for me to name his name!
anw, i went up to his 'girlfriend' and said,
'hey i just took a picture with your boyfriend!'

the reason why i need to borrow money from chewy. we were 35cents short -_-"
haha! but look at it! it's so super cool! :D
one of the stickers wrote, 'TOO YOUNG TO DIE!'
there's guitars, drumset, amps, mic, guitar picks, guitar case, headphones and many more!
taka has nice notebooks and stickers at the kids' corner ((:

i am in love with beautiful love by the afters.

What a beautiful smile
Can I stay for awhile?
On this beautiful night
We'll make everything right
My beautiful love

anw, i reckon that my classmates are damn slack. i saw chewy and cheryl in town. and i was in town. haha. so much for studying for alevels!

my nose is killing me )):

i need you to know.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

and i went back to crescent to promote njc.

strange but true. at one instant, i thought about all the good things that i did in nj and it make me smile.
thanks for a01. thanks for s24 ((:

there was a01 and the cabin with the little hill overlooking nygh.
there was enrichment week with all the cheong-ings and guten morgan and shoe painting.
there was s24 with bridge, pool and the still pending sentosa trip which i assume will never happen.
and there is still a01 with the vandalised classboard and the 3 sub gang and the entire arts fac.

and all these, i shall treasure.

but all these are no comparison to those i had in crescent. i only vaguely rem what i did in j1 and the early part of j2. but i can still vividly rem what i did in sec4, sec 3, sec 2 and even in sec1 when i first stepped into crescent and i cried.

it's still so clear, so true, so coloured.
this is the difference.

the day when we must part, may crescent remain in our hearts.

haha. so i went back. saw the familiar buildings, familiar corners, familiar seats, familiar faces and familiar food.
and yes, we don't have western food, but we have the classic sunny side up frm the slow uncle! ((:

something similar in both nj and crescent is that both the mixed rice aunties and uncles are damn nice. they all love me. WHAHA! i love zha cha fan aunty uncle :D

4c3 has moved to the classroom that was used to be for 4c1. but our 4c3 class mirror can still be seen lingering in the our 4c3 classroom (which is the present 4c1 classroom).

and now, i shall put all these back, all my dislikings and study really hard for alevels.
the best that nj has done for me.

something random, my hamster (hamstie) is still alive. 1yr 5mths and still counting :D
but it's scary when you reached home and see her sleeping thinking she is dead.
i want her to last. i can't picture myself with her.


our 4c3 garden! me and gin were the supervisor and ph and hc were the famers ((:

our letter box! :D

the ECHO block :D the top level was my sec1 classroom's level ((:

us in the mirror! crescent has a full length mirror at every corner.
each level will have at least 2 mirrors like this! ((:
vanity :D

to whom much have been given.
today's a happy day cos i ate my sunny side up and island creamery's icecream with my rojaks ((:

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

You've got this new head filled up with smoke.
I got my veins all tangled close,
To the jukebox bars you frequent.
The safest place to hide.
A long night spent with your most obvious weakness.
You start shaking at the thought.
You are everything I want.
'Cause you are everything I'm not.

And we lay, we lay together just not,
Too close, too close. (How close is close enough?)
We lay, we lay together just not,
Too close, too close.

I just wanna break you down so badly.
Well I trip over everything you say.
I just wanna break you down so badly.
In the worst way.

My inarticulate store bought hangover hobby kit.
It talks, it says, "You, oh, you are so cool."
Scissor shaped across the bed, you are red, violent red.
You hollow out my hungry eyes.
You hollow out my hungry eyes.

I just wanna break you down so badly.
Well I trip over everything you say.
Well I just wanna break you down so badly.
In the worst way.

I just wanna break you down so badly.
Well I trip over everything you say.
I just wanna break you down so badly.
In the worst way. (Worst way.)

I'm gonna make damn sure that you can't ever leave.
No, you won't ever get too far from me.
You won't ever get too far from me.
I'll make damn sure that you can't ever leave.
No, you won't ever get too far from me.

make damn sure
taking back sunday

this song is so very catchy.

jean: i got the basic beat for that song, but i can't exactly get all the parts, especially the bass drum )):

maths sucks.

these are so cool! ((:

switch flip. can you see the deck is flipped!!

this is a kickflip over the back.

alright. cheap thrill. i skate and end up with a crack on my wrist :

Saturday, September 23, 2006


thanks jean. thanks SagC ((:

prelims over. now, i can't wait for alevels to finish
the last maths, econs and lit paper in my entire life.

us and our dresses ((: i really love the one i am wearing :D but according to many, it's so unprom.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Marianne Williamson

alright. i am told that my blog is too emo. whaha. i am an emo freak. i am born to be a sappy emo writer. since like sec 3 when i write sappy narrative fiction!!

apparently i am giving up on lit, esp BNW. what's the point right? as said by my most fave bnw teacher. i am hopeless. 3 hrs of PC tomorrow ((:
but thank God i've survived the prelims (or going to)
I CAN'T WAIT FOR FUN TILL SUNDAY! ((: giving myself a good ol' pat on my back :D

i reckon that studying with my fellow classmates is helluva fun :D but wait, i didn't reckon it to be productive. cos it's definitely not!! -looks a jaslyn!

jaslyn: i am your jinxed. you are forever unlucky seeing me at kap macs WHAHAHA! and i am sorry about the book. sorry i can't help.
i've lost two of my most important persons in my life.
my best friend and my boyfriend
and both are you.
Jodi Picoult - The Pact


and i told khairi that everyone in my life is moving on.
i am not.
can someone bring me along?

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

no sexual innuendo intended but i was screwed by 2 men and 1 woman for 3 hrs today.
mr william, mr george and mr(ms) george.


you know what's so frustrating about lit?
it's fun and interesting but you know you will never do well.
but you still wanna hold on tightly to it cos' it brings you insights into the unventured.

religion. family. love. power. happiness. wealth. worldly desires.
i think these are the main themes that revolve in ALL literary books.
all these appear in almost all my lit text.

and something in bnw really hit me.
we follow a religion cos' we need to make up for what we are inadequate. yet in the bravenewworld, the citizens are not inadequate in any aspect so there is no need for God.

i once think that this was damn true. religion as an illusion for our inadequacy.
but i believe otherwise, cos' all we've got to do is to trusten in Them above.

man's life as cheap as beast.

who would know Sin. who knows not Love

as flies to wanton boys are we to the gods, they kill us for their sport.

i will be the pattern of all patience.

Poor man that searchest round to find death but misses life at hand.

and Love smiling did replied, who made the eyes but I?

Love and Grace took Glory by the hand and built a braver Palace than before.

when we are born, we cry that we have come to this great stage of fools.

the oldest hath borne most, we that are young shall never see so much nor live so long.

shaken trust in God and man.

see how our lives are connected to literature?
they are just a fictional form of our daily lives.
so true and real that it makes me repulsive.

ignorance is bliss.
but there are things that i need an answer.
from you.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

sometimes it hurts, but that's when it makes life counts.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you"
Matt 5:44 (KJV)

i admit that i fall short of the many glories God has bestowed upon me and i never doubt the fact that i suck, but the fact that someone unknown told me 'you suck' really did strike me.

i am sorry i am incompetent.
and sorry that my dislike for nj has been growing exponentially but it has also been subsiding gradually.
perhaps cos' i am leaving or perhaps i am getting used to it.
whatever the case is, it has been a trying period for me.

and to 'nj rox':
i thank God for you that nj has been such a wonderful experience for you and you should also thank God for His blessing.
you haven't been in my shoes, so you wouldn't know what i've been through. and likewise, i haven been in your shoes to learn to love my school more, or should i say, our school.

and now, i must be wary of my behaviour in school.
every action, every words matter.
it's life. humans can't stop being critical.
and it's true for me too.

honestly, at the instance when i saw the tag. i feel like shit.
in a fit of anger, i feel like thrashing everything back.
but you realised how deceitful the heart is.
what's the point of dissing right?
no point.

let Delilah be under Thy feet so she can tempt me not.

"be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"
2 Cor 6:14

Thursday, September 14, 2006

today's the last episode for the 10pm korean show. (:
sweet. but media just creates an illusion that doesn't exist in reality.

prelims have been such a fun crapping sessions.
life sucks. everything.

i got the coloured-version of our class pic.
it's really cute.

and again. appearance vs reality.

i've nothing to say anymore.
i feel like going on a hiatsu.
there's nothing to blog anyway. life sucks take drugs

at dorcas' wedding. the butter mussels were fab.

at island creamery before our PC paper.
go find us there now. i think we are on their walls now.

alright world, i guess you don't really like me.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

this is the worst moment of my life this year.
it never sucks that bad.
i guess its prelims. it's prelims' fault right?
it's not me right?

sigh. life sucks.
i am back to square 1 once again.

was on the way home today and the bus was filled with njc-ians.
and they (2 girls behind me) can't bloody stop discussing about the econs essay qns.
and my mp3 has no batt so i was listening discussing about their answers, what they should do, what they didn't do, what they have been doing and how this paper is easier and everything.
it was like surround sound to me. damn the school.

and geez. what bad mood was i in.
i am losing everyone. bye friends. once-friends.

i always wonder why there are so many accidents happening
and nothing happens to me.

what's the hype?

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

indeed, the previous post seems like a replica from herbert's dialogue
(m s t eo's insistence that all lit texts/ titles have to be underlined)

i guess herbert is just too real. too true.
therefore the similarity. cos' he captures the woes of men.
the woes of me.

i am confused.
i so need an answer. not ambiguity.
yet, all these should be put at the last of the list
and it's bothering me.

"prelims are but minor battles."
is it a joke or is it a joke?

was feeling so scared being alone at home today.
thank God that paul was online and bro came home early from work.

a lie is a lie is a lie.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Q:Can a man and a woman ever just be friends?
A:For a short time perhaps. Making the friendship last requries that you find each other at least vaguely repulsive.

from rhoda's blog.

haha! rhoda, this is so wronggg! cos i think man and woman can just be friends cos' i got this bunch of really good guy friends since very long time ago. we definitely don't find one another 'vaguely repulsive' but i guess we just cross the boundaries for having those kind of feelings for one another.

and thanks pi ((: i know i could always depend on you.
but i still can't break that strong facade in front of you.

i am getting too emo. too much. )):
this sucks cos' i feel so inadequate, so weak, so condemned, so incomplete.
dear Lord, why art thou so far?

was at tea party cafe with lyd ystd and i picked up this tract.
it is entitled "picking up the pieces. finding hope'

the bible covers the anxieties of all men and the answers God has given.
man will cry and shout;
"why, O Lord, do you stand far off?
why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" Psalm 10:1

and God promises:
"For I am the Lord, Your God, who takes
hold of your right hand and says to you,
Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

and man asks:
"What strength do I have, that I
should still hope? What prospects,
that I should be patient?" Job 6:11

and God saith:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power
is made perfect in weakness." 2nd Corinthians 12:9

and dear Lord, I lay my life for You.
and let the first be last and the last be first.
my weakened soul will You accept and let Your countenance shine upon me.
guide me and lead me. show me Thy way for Thy way is best.
i know. and i trust.
forgive me, O Lord.
there's so much things bothering me and i know You know me best
O Lord, O Lord. Hear my cry.

prelims is on. the fever is burning at the maximum
and this is the first time, i've completely given up on trying.
it sucks but i can't. i can't hold on any longer.

oh and it's spet 11 today.
let's mourn for the people that were killed 5 years ago.
how time flies and how memories like this are painfully etched forever.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

"As we open our hearts to love, as we attend to what is beautiful and necessary in our lives and the lives of those we love. We then begin to feel more intimately the tender sorrows that fill any human life. We become less defended, more awake to the inevitable sorrows of being alive. We begin to feel how love and hurt often arise together. People who love us are the same people who hurt us. When our heart opens in love, whatever is embedded in the heart will also spill out. The love that opens our heart will also open whatever sadness we have carried for a lifetime."

"I gave her strength to care for her husband,despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife,
but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness.
When you see her cry, tell her how much you love her,
and all she does for everyone, and even though she may still cry,
you will have made her heart feel good.

She is special"
(from why women cry?)

happy marriage kong wee and dorcas ((:
i think they are really sweet. i also want to find a guy like him. stable and godly.

i think i am running a mild fever from over-exhausation.
i am tired. i am so dead within.
i feel completely wrenched up and wrinkled.

i have had enough. but i'm stubborn and adament.
i bloody won't. i am patient.
cos' you're the best thing ever.

what's forever?
this is just plain delusion.
yet till death do us part.

haha. i am contradicting myself.
i took some pics but i am too lazy to upload.

and i shan't refrain from some personal attack or even the entire family attack.

it's killing me inside. out.

Friday, September 08, 2006

friendster's horoscope is damn slow.

"Get comfortable with the idea of change -- don't put all your eggs into one basket."

do i NOT know that i've to 'get comfortable with the idea of change'?

"and it looks like what you're waiting for may never come. This is not necessarily bad news, by the way. today you should start to get comfortable with that idea. There's still a chance that things could swing the way you want them to, but it would be wiser not to put all of your eggs into that one basket right now."

thanks friendster.
irks. totally helpful.
so much for trying to tell me wha i should start to do.

the week is finally ending ((:
it's finally friday and tmrw is finally sat :D
and this week will soon be gone. then next. then next next.
and 3 months gone ((:

i shall continue to let you be deluded that you are hunkier and cuter than him.
anyway, my bestest bestest 'customer', i really really hope that u've enjoyed ur frivolous lifestyle with alcohol, hot babes and drugs.
haha. just kidding.
you know, i am really thankful that God has placed you in my life, especially in my msn contacts.
from the bottom of my heart. thanks hunkypal.
enjoy this day ((:
and i am truly sorry )):

shopping :DD
i finally got my cow keychain ((:
and i got a giraffe one for lyd. my dearest babe

i got a bad dream last night.
i didn't get to see but i read you.
it was bad. tramautising.
haha. just a dream.

be optimistic.
that's half the battle won.
be is self-deluded or not

i seem to be losing you. our friendship.
yes, the bitching, the shopping and everything still goes on.
but we seem to be losing it. all of us.

i am losing eveything.
just put on a smile and pretend.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

for chewy, i decided to be nice to mr paul.
personally, i feel that it's quite sad when you see their hopes and dreams dashed.
cos' you see your own hopes and dreams bleak

anyway, it's not that bleak anymore :D
not as if i got any enlightenment on how to write a fantastic bravenewworld essay
or some maths whiz has possessed my body.
NO!! haha.
my sis found me an overseas cip opportunity :D
something that i have been wanting to do. the experience. the immense satisfaction and joy.

haha. part of me has already confirmed that i'll be part of the 20 peple team
but i can forsee numerous obstables posing before me.
there's an interview. what if i screw up that interview?
there's another selection camp. one day after my bday. what if i can't cope with my studies? what if i am not selected after this camp?
and yeah, money issue.

it hurts to quarrel with you over money.
i hate your obsession with money.
it's true. money is not everything but definitely one cannot live without money.
but i really really sick of it. of the many times i talked to you, there ain't a topic that do not concern money.
i guess you proudly measure your love for us by money. sad to say so.

it's too short a time for me to work and earn money.
but i guess i could do so. annie is the part-time queen.

anyway, i don't think i will end up shopping in aceh. there's nothing to shop there too i guess.
aceh :D
this is my passion. ain't no one going to tear it down for me.

so people, you can start donating to the annie fund! haha!
nah. just need to remind me to stop spending :D

i love study breaks. i can save loads of money just by hiding at home and studying.
this week's expenses. less than $10. woohoo.
on my way to aceh :D

i just watched high school musical on youtube.
the guy's so cute. there was this unfounded jealousy within me when troy was so close to gab.
HAHA! he's so cute :D

a few more days
so what if i'm an extra.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

i got this really funny email from fannymommy a few weeks ago.
a really piece of hilarious shit :D

a HK essay. haha. the essayist is such a true blue hongkie.
the action-packed plotline. the obsession with fighting and the quote line from 'a date with vampire'
hilarious :D he/she should stop being an essayist and be a scriptwriter

maybe i should stop being an essayist too.
all these bloody essays.

self-proclaimed break.
sometimes you just wanna wake up and not be reminded that there is a whole load of work to do.

i am taking back my words.
i needa study.

maths mock test
haha. i guessed i was the mockery.

and you, stop being such a pita.
do you think your way of trying to maintain a friendship is going to work? no. freaking not.
and it's ur bad luck that i was in a bad mood.
you should've known. i got my bloody limits.
i know. i know you are trying hard. so am i.
it's hard to just erase what had happened and pretend there's nothing.
why can't we just talk normally?
i will just try again.

why can't everyone just freaking get out of my life?

you said i've no proper teaching?
so who's the one not teaching?

ok. sanity just sets in.

i am sorry.

alright. i just realised my mood change dramatically throughout the post.
i am like amanda.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

it really didn't help.

i realised i am timid. i dare not step into the unventured.

i always have this urge of quiting school and just settle down in some private college like jean. it sounds great isn't it? a lighter workload, less-packed scheldule. a precise and focused course.

no more econs. no more maths. and no more lit.
all these are just my means to my end. to get into the course i want in the university.

i don't see myself touching integration or differentiation in the distant future.
neither do i picture myself drawing average cost and marginal revenue curves.
and definitely not going around criticising any book.
my basic definition of a good read is a book that makes me think and not make me sleep.

i am a coward cos' i do not dare to put down what i've been doing for these past 1 year plus and move on to a private college. i don't even dare to put this message forth to my parents.

my future seems terribly bleak now.
all thanks to ms t eo.

where are my supports?
i see no one, no thing.

there used to be an avenue for my to whine and trash things out.
though i always get back all the shit.
at least, it makes me feel better. just being with you.

i can't wait. can you?
can't wait for this week to end. can't wait for next next week to end.
can't wait for this year to end. can't wait for my life to end.

Can I be your enemy
Losing half a year
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything

This may never start
Tearin' out my heart
I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings disappear
Can I be your memory?
sugercult - memory

the crocodile hunter is dead?
what an ironic life.
killed by a seemingly harmless creature while he handle with ferocious and lethal tyrants

vulnerability of life.

Monday, September 04, 2006

the used has nice songs with nice lyrics :D
the guitar solos were awesome too
my new found best favouriteband [nfbf ((: ]

Small, simple, safe price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
And I am not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to bleed, and f**k, and fight.
I want the pain of payment.
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts.
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted f**ks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand f**ks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts.
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.
Love is not like anything.
Especially a f***king knife.
i'm a fake

Now all those feelings,
Those yesterdays feelings will all be lost in time
But today I’ve wasted away for today is on my mind
Left the only worries I had in my hands
Away from the light in my eyes
Holding tight and try not to hide how i feel
Cos' Feelings mean nothing
yesterday's feelings

In your eyes.
I lost my place
Could stay a while
And I’m melting
In your eyes..
Like my first time
That I caught fire
Just stay with me,
lay with me now.
i caught fire

Worse than the fear it's the lie you told a thousand times before.
Worse than a fear, it's the knife.

And it's hard to say how I feel today.
For years gone by, and I cried...
Hard to say


Sunday, September 03, 2006

yesterday night was a blast ((:
cr escent 5 0th ga la dinner :D

i really didn't expect myself to be one of the 700 guests in the ballroom last night.
who on earth pays $100 to have a night of nostalgia?
but after ystd's night, i think i would ((:

class of 1969 till class of 2005 ((:

was a lil late for the dinner and was in a lift with 2 very very senior seniors.
haha. i knew they were cres centians cos' we were going to the same venue (like duh!)
i just wanted to smile at them and shout HELLO! WE ARE OF THE SAME SCHOOL!
i think i chickened out in the end. haha.

we (me, joanna, grace, kai and peiting) were sharing a table with class 1999.
and they were loads of fun :D singing the crescent styled bday song.
haha. and they were those typical crescent bunch. a bung with a herd of pretty ladies kind like elaineyap's clique. 2 bungs and 4 girls kind.
HAHA! that's a hasty generalisation.

the performance was bad but was glorified by mr lee's honour.
mr lee is like damn popular lah.
it was more like a crescent band gala dinner. everyone there seems to be in the band!

crescent-styled bday cheer. crescent's give-me-a-c cheer. and a human chain started by this super high and mad aunties clique. haha.

i took a picture with my sec one fantasy too ((:
it's really lame. but looking back, that time was filled with bittersweet memories.

fondue-d after the dinner in town. haha. madness.
there's so much lost yet so much found.

church was fine ((:
so many examples in life to show our faith.
we all see how God has worked in our lives yet we never fail to disappoint him too.

a hardcore mugging week ahead

my mrs gek :D her and cheongsums

the owl and my fellow frogs catcher.

our table mates :D with mrs chua! ((:
my childhood folly ((:

the very weird wunkai w my affair :D

haha. i am really tired of uploading pictures. it's kinda slow.
so just visit flickr! :D

anyway, i took pictures with kar en tan, mrs he ng, mdm kwa n, zh ao fa ng and ang la y pen g hahaha.
what a nighttt. i didnt dare to go up to e thanol sea h and lim me ng ch oo

HO WUN KAI! go my links: flickr! ((:
ho wun kai wants to be the next HO ch ing. just because they got the same surname.

life is fun i guess.

a few more days :D