this question has been lingering for very long.
we are trying hard.
we do.
but we feel restricted.
or perhaps the decision don't lie on me.
but.
it's just them, aint it?
that we have to repair the bridge that was broken.
it's always us.

and thanks for that.

we will try.
hopefully.



they,
being judgemental,
are killing me.

BLESSED XMAS EVE!!

christmas is here!
Fra-la-la-lala! ((:
going for carolling and i will get to see the A|X girls again.
and i will see them everyday till 29 dec.
it's like 'gimme a breakkkkkk!'
WHAHAHA!

ystd was my last day at work )):
and the whole child care center was revamped.
they had a new class called the strawberry and apple.
i don't like kaizhi anymore cause
he said he don't want me!
elton is super cute lah! he said he likes me!
but it's like the LAST DAY already.
)):
miss my kids.



it's like i am so lost.
i am unsure of what i am feeling now.
feelings are deceiving.
rationality. morality.
where am i heading to?
what outcome am i expecting?
in fact. i feeling different this time.
i wonder why.
i am waiting for a new life to commence
and things might be different.
from what i thought...
...
it might be.

HEY!

THANKS wifey! for the new change.
i was so sick of the previous one.

anw.
i changed a lil of my wife's template.
and this is it.
press on
'SPEAK THOU HEART'
to tag!

TAG! TAG! TAG!
tag more k!
((:

HEY WIFE :D

alright so i invited myself into annie's account AGAIN -beams well this time, it's official so it doesnt really matter. annie's brother seems to be perturbed and moodswing-ish so i'm helping her blog abit ((:

here's her new blog skin YAY. under her instructions, i revamped HALF her blog! but sadly, i left out her shoutbox. VERYVERYVERY SORRY ANNIE ): i shall add it in soon. in the meantime, do keep your comments and tags and await the appearance of a tagboard veryvery SOON!

by the way, CLICK ON THE HOTPINK "ANNIE" TO VIEW HER PROFILE.

i know when i trust in the Lord.
He will show me His way.

YAY!
although i screwed up my nj audition
i still managed to get in.
i am sad
cause i will not have my fave LIT! )):
but at least i still have my econs.
i will want to take lit lehx.
but nvm.

me and ginnyWIFEY have come up with a fabulous plan.
to inject life to the DEAD nj!
we will write letters and send to each other's class
and bring pie pie and rie kie for recess
and start a happy house trend!
WHAHAHA!

it's highly exciting. to start on a completely new environment.
where we will make new friends
esp. since nj got very little crescentians.

searching my heart.
my soul
lead me to somewhere.

i love the message today ((:
feeling so lost the past few weeks
deciding of which jc to go.
all these uncertainties erased
when i start to leave my life to His will.

so sick of A|X. [me.lyd.xl] WHAHAHA!
we meet each other since fri.
fri kss meeting. fri stayover. sat's choir/ks. sun church.
WHAHAHA!
we need to go on a break!

needa run.
cause my bro's slpping.
and i am disturbing him.
ciaos ((:

lil cheongs pair outing!!! ((:
miss my mamasan wifeeeeee!
chicky rice at far east and mocha at taka coffee bean!
taka-ed with wifey cause we have our prom night prize! ((:
50 bucks voucher! x)
crapped lots.
were looking at HUMONGOUS bikini that is as big as my palms!
like WHAOOOOOOOOOO!
who on earth has such BIG boobs!
-faints-

4 more days with the kids )):
i am super sad lah
they got no school on mon and tues. x(
i just realised that shuai like boy, jerald lim is joanna's bro!
they looked SOOOO different lah!
jerald is as naughty as joanna but he's soooooo shuai!
another cute boy.
basil wang jie!!
blur-looking!
oh. they having a concert on sat. but i cant attend )):
and i saw the last yr concert's vcd. was so funny!
i performed one of the songs they performed.
brought back much memories. how we practised during those days )):
and my dearest teacher, miss foo ):

posting's out on fri
it's going to be a super exciting day -frowns-
found someone to teach me skateboarding properly
and got a kss welcoming party.
i hope the posting will not spoil my mood )):]
-crosses fingers-
nj? sajc? acjc?
SIGHHHHHHHH!
whatever crap lah.
just skip 1st 3 mths manz. )):
and continue working in my childcare centre! ((:

learn to cast ur burden on Him
and He will show u His way.

oh how i wish i can stop worrying
and learn to put all my worries to Him
show me Thy way.


if u could see what i see
u're the answer to my prayers
if u could feel the tenderness i feel
you would know, it'll be clear
that angels brought me here
-melvyn sang this on msn-
WHAHAHA!

competition brings out the evil side of one person.

-sigh-


anw!
congrats to ginnywifey
for coming out of our bottomless pit.
a tragic pit manz )):
but it's a good news that we are out.
ginny. love u! x)

upon request of that unknown lalala
i shall update on my job!

i have 12 kids in my class. but normally only 10-11 come.
shall name my kids.
joanna- this talkative lil girl who always ask my name.
vanessa/qiqi- she's super adorable! but she eats super slow and refuses to eat veg. i spent so much time coaxing her to eat and making her count the marcoroni she has eaten!
xi ya- another cute lil girl. she's naughty too, always making mrs chan angry.
wan xuan- she's my neighbour, but i doubt she knows lah. she's shy and reserved so she needs a lot of attention to make her feel loved.
yuan er- a vietnam+malaysia kid. tall. pretty. cute!
elton- big-eyed. he always fight with the other kids one lehx. RAH! but he's cute in a sense
jiarong- china boy. super mischievious. like the da ge da.
elvis- i always pat him to slp. he loves fighting with elton.
jing png- this new kid. he's really stubborn and refused to share his toys w e others but he's nice when i was playing woodblocks w him
yongkang- he smiled when i praised him that he's handsome after he buttoned his own shirt! ((: e rest refused to button their own shirt. esp elton and jia rong.
keagen- super cute also! he loves to throw toys so must scold him and stuff lor. quite frustrating.
kai zhi- my fave lil boy. he's cute. but a lil crybaby. always fighting w jing png. he's shuai lah, that's why i like him. WHAHAHA!

their way of teaching is still somehow like it was when i was a kid. and i miss it so much. i miss being pat to slp, i miss singing kids songs. i miss the auntie's food. i miss outings with the other kids. i miss my innocent days. )):

i helped in bathing them today. taking off their clothes. wrapping a towel arnd them. buttoning them. dressed them up! i feel like a maniac lah cause they are all naked. and they all got the little kids tummy. SUPER CUTE!!
i feel like i am reliving my younger days! ((:
but i get frustrated and tired at times.
chasing them all arnd when they refused to eat. pulling them back to seats. repeating what i said. where's ur partner. come hold ur hands. stand two by two. go wash ur hands. eat faster. put ur legs down. come drink water. come close ur eyes and slp." i believed i said all these a MILLION times! they will bully u too since i am very soft. i dont scold unlike the other teachers.

watched xmas w kranks and w/o a paddle!
BOTH HIGHLY AMUSING COMEDIES!
need a laugh? watch these shows manz!

when the earth turns in a way it's not supposed to be,
the way of life changes.
u feel differently. u act differently.
u try hard to tune back to ur usual life.
but u realised some things are better
when u start accepting ur new life
then to lose ur way in this new phrase of life.
and perhaps
this is life.



tell me,
am i doing the right thing?

FIRST DAY OF WORK!

and i was called miss annie!
WOOOHOOO! ((:
i'm in charge of the N1 kids.
and they are called
raindrops!

in fact, it's a very tiring job.
feeding the kids. playing with them.
understanding their inaudible language
and coaxing them to stop crying.
perhaps the best part
is when they are sleeping ((:
when they are the most quiet. the most innocent.
WHAHAHA

i shorten my working hours to 5 hrs
and the pay im receiving is much higher than kfc!
kfc is such a miser!!

the principal was teaching the kids
"i-n-n = olden days hotel"
then one kids just shouted
"IMM! i wanna go IMM!"
and i thought this was funny lah! ((:

gonna meet eunice to go to the band chalet!
i am SOOOO tired!
and i am skippin e NJ tuning in cause i wanna see more kids!
and wait.
did i tell u that my kindergarden teachers
are still there!!!

well! i feel young and old at the same time!
ciaos!((:

i hate to make a decision.
i am over reliant,
i refused to make my own decision.
wantin the best of both worlds is my stepping stone.
i am greedy and selfish. )):

sigh.

new pictures uploaded! ((:
under linkies.
church camp!

i'm back from desaru! ((:
and i looked like an apple now cause my cheeks are SO red!
it was definitely a life worth living,
a life cut off from the hustle bustle in s'pore
a life that is christ-centred.
a life that is organised and planned.
a life that has wonderful fellowship amongst young and old.

had fun on the sandy beach looking at the crab digging their homes during low tides. had fun lying on the chairs on the beach and drowning myself in the moonlight. had fun playing a fool with the stupid lyd and xl! had fun hiding in huishi's room watching 'the ring' with the CE pple! had fun during reflections sharing with the adults. had fun skateboarding, pooling, swimming. and definitely had fun growing in God's words! ((:

i renewed my life. feeling focused. feeling enriched, enlightened.
i despised my old self. the selfish, self-centred one.
i prayed that i'll walk wisely. lead a path that is pleasing in God's eyes.
i am now ready to move on.
after so long,
5 long months of contemplation.
holding on and letting it go and retrieving it back again.
and back landing on the same spot.
pastor den hartog's words hit me right there.
the world vs christian life.
the wordly guys vs christian faith.
i just hafta let go and move on.
hopefully,
i will not fall in the same pit again.

and so this is how the story ends. ((:

welcome to my life.
yes, you.
i want you. ((: