sorry jie. i am not acting that i am all self-righteous.
but i really feel that it's super unfair.
bro don't need to get all the scoldings while i need.
it's always me. why me? why?
ok. i accept the fact that both of us were in the wrong
and i truly admit that i were at fault too.
for reacting in such aggressive way. and worse... it aggravates mummy.

and to conclude sis's talk with me ystd.
i've got attitude problem.
i know sis is trying so hard to think frm my perspective,
i am too stubborn perhaps. oh well. i will change.

ystd was a tear flowing day. after sis's talk.
got so agitated that i dunno what had happened to me.
some horrible thougts ran passed me. felt like cutting.
nah. shook that thought away. that's too much for me to handle.
had this hole in my room where i will hit.
the deeper it is signifies the times when i'm feeling real frustrated.
i hit that hole again
dunked myself with 3 panadols. phew. i am still alive.
decided to find my refuge in God.
cried as i sing. and cried myself to sleep.

what a dramatic night. handled it all by myself.
at that point of time. i really miss my chocolates.
luckily there was my Bible.
realised how stupid i was to have the thought of harming myself.
arghx. regretted it. afterall the whole drama was initiated by my attitude problem.
sorry sis, mum, dad and bro. sorry to myself too.
oh well i will nv do it again.

showed mummy my progress report.
feeling so guilty now.
she never even did raise her voice.
she merely said u had to work harder.
i sometimes think. is it that she don't care or
she don't wanna give me too much pressure.
oh well. i choose to believe it's the 2nd option.

i promised here i will work harder.
i will try. i really will.
but it's so hard to forsake my leisure time.
no more town-ings. no more movies. no everything.
i miss the theatres. i miss meeting the kfc gang.
i miss bowling. i miss busking in the sun.
i think i miss everything.

anyway. today's the last day of holidays.
wad a holiday. spent most of my time in sch.
classes and band practices.
felt rather productive this week.
perhaps coz i spent most of it at home. =[
and the most enjoyable days were
the mus'art concert and church on sun.
really relieved myself during the concert with my froggie rap. and sun laufing my heads out.

i really can't wait for o levels to be over so i can just forsake everything and retrieve my freedom.
i am feeling so suffocated.
the thought of o levels are drowning me.
sometimes i really wished i am not taking that dumb exams.
arghx! i miss the nights out.

oh well! i love mummy and daddy.
i realised i miss ginny and jo.
rie kie's feeling lonely without pie pie and hie hie.

arghx. i'm so slack! i even need my friends to tell me that i needa study.
gosh. is it good to have parents who give u endless freedom and trust,
believing that u will have to ability to study for ur own sake?
i am sorry. but i seem to be lacking that ability to do that.
i realised the change in me. i no longer feel the urge to study,
just playing all my life.

told sis. she asked whether i will want someone to force me to study.
my instaneous reply was NO!
i'm used to that kind of unending freedom. so don't take it frm me.
i will study hard i promise, not to my sis but to myself.
at least i know it's for myself. for my future in singapore
since my hope of gng overseas is dashed.
arghx! hate studying! hate it!

mummy, i know u do care. i care too
i realised that i talked to u for less than 20 sentences on average a day.
sort of pathetic.
i feel like Ruth in BD. i know she cares for LL
like the way i care for mummy.
but i don't wanna wait till mummy is ill till i realise i needa care for her

used to complain that i rarely see her
cause she comes home arnd 8-9pm every night.
but now, she is still so packed with other stuff.
anw, i am used to this kind of life.
and don't think i would want to change it either.
shall make myself to talk to her nicely, at least for today. *cross finger*
both of us got a bad temper! hmphx!
and talked to my daddy too! resolution for today i think...
oh well! i forget to bring the fish down to the refridgerator compartment!

i am having a skirts crisis! help! ahaha!
my sis got a cupboard full of skirts. they look nice on her.
but on me... it makes me look old (according to bro)
i am still young... tell me i am, pul-easeeeee!
ahaha! li yan kept tellin me she's youngER. hmphx! =)
anww. i am having fun tagging at eunice's tag board!
lormeeeeeeeee owes us ice-creams!! hippy! yeah! grinz!
i am so lame. self appointed lame club president. faint!
yippeeeeeee. jie jie comin back frm hongkong.
hope she gets smth for me. though she always dissappoint me!
but oh well. she's nice! =) *shake head* ahaha!
ahah!
went church today. anddddd learnt abt walking in the light.
so true. He is the light that guides my way. comforting ain't it?
anw. who wanna discuss abt the passion for christ movie?
hot topic in church now. but everyone must know it's not good!
went for lunch near this playgrnd.
was plannin to go to the job fair....
buttttttttttt
ended up playing catching with the kids!
how "childish" can i get? but it was fun! real fun! =)
ahaha! went home. serious talk. o lvls just popped out again.
yeah. this my lifeeeeee! anwww i miss mrs gek! dydx rawks!
i am LOUSY according to u.
i am a LOSer. thanks alot yeah!

today rawks! totally rawks!
yeah! had sports heats today. 4x400m and 800m finals
ponned 1500m race. i was totally shagged. sorry kai!
800 was fun. i meannnnn though i was lagging far behind the national runners.
but sooo... it was still fun. running and sprinting. the sun was blazing hot!
got a sun burnt! and a headache!
came in 2nd for the reley! super happy! yeah! we go gurlz! =)
ginny was so sweet to come and support us! thanks ginny!
came home and watched the <> show.
so freaky!!! *phew*
oh yeah! met lyd and matt on the trainnnn! so coincidental.
like some kind of ks meeting! ahhaha!
and found a lucky coin at queenstown stadium!
must be my lucky day!
oh welL! loves everyone! muack!