i wondered how's hell is like? the bible says it's eternal burning, eternal damnation. is it really that scary? that painful? and i am afraid. really do. i just feel so sinful so evil. there was once when i quarrelled with my mum and she just spurted out, "so you call yourself a christian?" it struck me. right at me. right into me. how often do i really practice chrisitian living in my life. i am just so sinful, so vulnerable, so weak.

when i was watching "luther" yesterday for my enrichment, i realised how much i paled in comparison as a christian.even though he's a Catholic and i'm a protestant, but it's still the same.
God is everywhere. His is where our Bible lies. Salvation is not by buying indulgence, not just doing good works to earn your way up to Heaven.
Luther's like one for the most honoured, truth-inspired christian man. He loyally holds on to the truth, regardless of the numerous persecutions by the corrupted priests and bishops.

How many of us are actually willing to die for Christ, to die to speak the truth?
How many of us are actually willing to forsake all these worldly riches and leave the Earth with Christ for eternal life?

Imagine one day, God speaks to you and say
"O Child, i am here to take you away. You have to leave your family, your boyfriend, your friends and give up your millionaire job, your porsche car, your big humongous house. Leave everything and come with Me. Don't be afraid cause you have nothing to worry anymore in Heaven, you don't need all these things."

WILL YOU HAPPILY LEAVE WITH GOD?
WILL YOU FORSAKE EVERYTHING AND LEAVE WITH GOD?
WILL YOU?
i will. i'm sure i will.

but what shall cordelia speak? Love and be silent.

However, i think it's the hardest to follow God and leave this world, when you have a husband and a family. You have to leave almost everything, you can't watch and help your kids grow (though you can see it from Heaven), you can't grow old with your husband. To me, this is the hardest.

alright, i can't blog anymore. my mind is blank already.
ciaos.

B for Boon is so random!

`love is such an amazing thing that i don't really want to try.

i like my new blog colours!
it's like SO MAT! ((:
since lotsa pple proudly acknowledged that i am quite a mina.
but yeah, i still have that crazy liking for malays/malayish-looking guys though it's dwindling over time, so is it for my liking for guys.

BUT I AM NOT TURNING LES!

13 more days to crescent funfair ((:
whoever wants to go must buy tics from any crescentians but me.

went wh's church with xinlin today.
i was so lucky lah! i went on the day with church lunch(which we didn't eat) and i witnessed their baptism.it's like so different from my church's. but yeah, it was fun enough ((:

wh and xl are so sweet ((:

retail therapy is like GIRLS' MOST FAVOURITE DESTRESSING METHOD! ((:
have been out of town since like dunnowhen!! and i've been feasting myself from my bro's coins collection, so i've accumulated like a little wealth. but everything's gone today.
but yeah, I DO FEEL HAPPIER ((: like MUCH MORE HAPPIER!
it was a budget shopping lor! :D

enrichment's tmrw. hope it will be fun.
at least i will be off from MATHS, econs and lit for a week ((:
i'm gonna draw my own sneakers and learn GERMAN!
goobley goo goo

big long today (da chang jin) is actually quite interesting ((:

i were watching this hongkong drama serial. it's some ancient show about sword fighting. yeah and there are some mediacorp artists acting.

but this show is really sad/ depressing. it's like everyone's dying.

IT'S LIKE KING LEAR!!!

i tell you, one day when i become a movie director i will cast king lear!

like REALLY and paris hilton will be goneril ((:

i learnt smth from the show,
when you are confused abt smth and thinking of it doesn't really help,

THEN DON'T THINK ANYMORE!

when the time is ripe and you are supposed to know that smth, hints and clues will be given (hook or crook) to allow you to gain insights into that smth that you've been puzzled over.

and if nth happens, it means that you are just thinking too much,

cos' it's really doesn't concern you at all.

smth's really wrong with me is that i think TOO MUCH.
but that's what a lit student should do right? think and think, and make things seem coherant no more. and there's some things that are not meant for my ears to hear and my eyes to see. but i will always dwell on the matter till i hear what i'm not supposed to hear and see what i'm not supposed to see. and it will just make my heart crack.

Did Ms Curiosity really kill the cat?
apparently so.
it's technically proven thrice.

i think i am easily deluded too.
but mr king lear died happy. at least he died deluded.
it's ok. ((:


'man's life's as cheap as beasts'

i am so unstable now, i can cry any moment and at any place
damn. that feeling sucks.

anw, today's such a bad day that i can barely described.
'more than words can wield the matter.'
alright, maybe not.
maths paper was such a K I L L E R.
and i studied the hardest for maths this time.
so it's proven there's NO USE IN STUDYING FOR MATHS.
argh.

and IN ADDITION,
i was late for my paper. maybe not late,
i was JUST ON TIME.
like 2pm on the dot. i walked into the hall just went the bell rang.
i reached school at 1.55pm and njc has a significant amt of steps.
so i ran and ran to the hall. BLAH!
my heart was throbbing at like 444bpm (beatpermin) for like 20mins or so.
i was trying to solve the maths problems while chanting
"annie, CALM DOWN!"

argh. what a good start to my devilish maths paper.

YELLS
and when things can't get better,
my mum just have to make it worst.
but yeah, was my fault lah.
but i was such an easy target for her to yell at me.

and yeah. salted egg and leftovers with porridge for dinner again
it's like staple food for my family.

and it's ECONS tmrw.
Doomsday day 2.

iam gng to reach school before 1.30pm tmrw.
once bitten twice shy.

oh yeah, adriano is out.
he's like one super funny guy lah. (this is very random)

i like this
no one dies a virgin cos' life screwed us all. -hc-

oh before i forget,
i was watching the commonwealth games on the bus today
i realised most of the table tennis pple from china
(china players representing both aussie and s'pore?)
and most of the sprinters are niggers.
TELL ME WHY?

and YOU made it worse.

JKJK SAG.

this is the pathetic a01 bunch that turned up for the

JTS (juniors treat seniors) bbq.

jaslyn thought of this pose.

we looked like those prostitutes caught after a raid,

but we are so decently clothed.

our class board.

me and cheryl drew this! ((:

smth really classic, like when i was in pri 4?

nostalgic.

i wrote smth, but i deleted it.

it's just ain't right of me.

sis brought back 2 thai girls home for dinner ((:

they looked so cute, so pretty!

haha and they said i looked 15! ((:

and yeah both of them were only 14 and 15.

-yippeeeyeahyeah-

okie. that was cheapthrill.

but i am in need of that. x(

I DEMAND FOR OUTINGS AFTER COMMON TESTS!

ROJAK, NIENIES, GUARDIAN FORCE, TRIO,

QUICK DATE ME!!please!

haha. but yeah.

counting down to after cts. 4 more days ((:

i am taking things too lighty i realised.

every thing.

IS THERE EVER A TIME TO STOP MUGGING?
arghhhh.

gin, i'm super unproductive too.

since gin brought out qianyun's classic hot pink shoes,
i shall show you our nienie's clique shoes and some nienie pics.

our clique shoes.

salt pepper sugar ((:

and we actually got a cheer for it :D

when mugging was still fun.

i miss my riekie.

angst.

khairi concluded that i am a VERY ANGSTY person.

i listened to angsty songs and i'm often filled with angst.
and as a sweeping statement,

he said crescent girls are an angsty bunch and always a fierce front.

i am really really tired.

i just feel as if there's this really great burden on me and even when cts are over, this burden will just get heavier and heavier as the year approaches nov. i feel that i just can't get anywhere better. it's like a small fish in a REALLY REALLY BIG pond. now i understand why danny took such a long time to decide which jc to go when our results were just out.

and it all boils down to where i am stuck in now.

i dunno.

productivity aint the right word for me now.

it's like long hours but nothing's getting into my puny and miserable brains.

i just wished that when i thought of smth, i need not rummaged thru the whole book to look for one quote that might be just my imagination. someone should invent this device that provides quotes for whatever points you think of.

no wonder why khairi said i was angsty.

the tears are welling in her already dried-up heart.

will he ever get back to you?

today i got out of my comfort zone.
and it was fun :D

A01 is a nice class ((:
JKJK SAG today

how can you stop loving someone whom you love so much just not long ago?
is love that superficial and shallow now?
or maybe it's just them?

looking at my friends, just make me wanna fall in love
lovey-doveyness.they are definitely objects of envy ((:
reassurance: God will provide.

gin, jean and me were talking abt living together if we REALLY REALLY can't get married. then we will be like FRIENDS, staying together and having endless slumber parties with a little conflicts here and there.

but yeah, it's better than living and dying alone right?
and i realised that you can't NOUN someone,
so i cant heart qiling anymore.

dating is a very sensitive issue among the nienies.
anw, jean suggested that we shld have a lot of flings and NO HUSBAND!

anw, i wanna blog abt the bbq,
but i'm so tired. so i'm gng to do it tmrw
OHHH! we barbequed jas' lit notes. LITERALLY. hurhur.
and i was ps-ed by qiling )):

it's very important what friends you mixed with.
birds of the feathers flock together.
the bad mixed with the bad.

i told yf, i will leave it all to God's plan.
and guess what yf said
WAIT LAH! CONTINUE WAITING!

thanks arh! it's like some prophecy statement that i will never get married or smth )): nvm! i still got my sis to lean on. WHAHAHAHA! ((:
it will be quite sad though cos' only my bro will continue the family name. poor sis-in-law, she has to do all the giving birth job

haha.

okie. shall just pray that God will provide!
cos' God really provides :D

had been studying with junyingbabe and studied with stanley today.
they reminded me of my 1st 3mths days
when life was still FABULOSO! :D
junying: WE WILL DEFINITELY GO SENTOSA K! even w/o the rest! :D -hooks finger- ((:

studying sucks.
and WHAT'S THE POINT MAN!
like 0.5? 0.38? fine? bold? (excuse my lame-logy)

but hey,
there's Ao1 outing tmrw. the jnr class treating us! ((:
yayee-ism! and even kaijie's gng.
and his reason for gng was to "build stronger ties "
HAHA! :D so cute.
and we are gng to lug all our BNW, lear, money, maths notes to ecp! :D
though it's only sAg-c, but i still got JJQCA ((: we have build a very strong diplomatic ties.

"My heart was in my knee,
But no hearing."
george herbert - denial

it's not my fault that i've built a really thick wall around it.
you know, it's hard to trust.

it's you i live for everyday.


there's this huge emphasis on children with special needs lately.
there was this documentary abt pathlight school
then today there was another documentary abt parents handling children with special needs.

i read this book a long long time ago that really inspired me to pursue this career.
"What i can't figure out is why good things always end."
"Everything ends."
"What doesn't end is the way we feel about each other.
Even when you are all grown up and somewhere else,
you can remember what a good time we had together.
Even when you are in the middle of bad things
and they never seem to be changing, you can remember me.
And I'll remember you."
One Child by Torey Hayden

this extract is taken from this scene when this special need kid has to move on with life. this is what the teacher said to her.

so sweet. i wanna be like the teacher.
i swear i am going to be one.
this is the only reason why i am in jc.

the prospects of other jobs may seem more tempting like a HUMONGOUS luring carrot. like a banker?
i always have this syllogism,
banker = cunning scheming.
(this comment is solely writer's opinion)

i always think that my sis has pathed the way for me. but i am really thankful that she did. she's the one who showed me how to pursue for my own interests, my own ideals. she let me see that the world doesn't revolve only around you and the importance of counting your blessings.
though i may not always see eye to eye with her.
but i am still thankful that she's my sis
and thank God for that.

and i thank God for the many friends i have.
junyingbabe: you are definitely not alone! ((: and thanks for mugging with me today! :D
ginnyWIFE: you know i think u really really rawk! cheongsters really really connect! life is hard, but we are strong right? I DON'T CARE, we will just psycho ourselves and soon we will be REALLY STRONG! ((:
jeanpok: your router will work soon! :D -points with my prophetic finger-
jaslyn: thanks so much for offering your last spongebob sticker. i am so glad you came down to look for me and offer me so many stickers! ((: annie plus jjqca this fri! ((:
qiling: i heart you loads! take care of ur leg k! ((:
melyvn: thanks for offering free maths tuition :D and yeah our mini secret :D nj's REALLY that bad )):
yaofeng: cheer up :D
allen and caili: thanks for inviting me to go on sun! ((: and allen, stop psycho-ing me back to work! i will find that heli pad one day!
and lotsa (maybe not alot more). not forgetting trio, guardina force, rojak!
some things are better left unsaid.
before all happiness are gone.

thank God for all these friends that make my life more bearable
:D

and i actually thought of committing suicide,
how dumb of me.
-_-" (kaijie's trademark)

it's ok.
even if life's aint fine now,
i believe it will be better one fine day.

and ystd night was one of the best night ever.
i'm easily satisfied

and i am ready to say,
i will never never never.
but maybe i would.
my heart is frail.

STILL

Hide me now

Under your wings

Cover me

within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with you above the storm

Father you are king over the flood

I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know his power

In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with you above the storm

Father you are king over the flood

I will be still and know you are God.

311204

everything just has to come back to me.

i remembered how you use to make me feel so insecure.

anw, it's full moon tonight.

and it was quite an enjoyable run.

"will you take me up above?"

today's a more productive day ((: -cheers-
ms ng is quite funny at times.
it's like a lovehate relationship between a01 and her :D

though i spent most of my time alone, it's ok!
at least i studied! ((:

chiew: where you going?
me: to the library.
chiew: alone?
me: yeah. nj library lesser people. so not a lot of pple will know that i got no friends.
chiew chanting "annie got no friends"

HAHA. jinjen was there also.
the president of JJQCA has recently expelled jinjen and chiew.
now it's JQA and JC.
SAG-C shall be united though it's often AG and SC.

((:

oh. i saw this documentry abt the pathlight school for autistic kids.
i feel so motivated. so inspired. so happy. so delighted.
i am gng to write to them after cts.
maybe they will accept me as a volunteer ((:
HMM! i just went to their website. it seems like they don't really want volunteers. but hey. i shld just try it out or smth ((:

smth to look forward to! :D



`it's better to jump out now then to be deceived further.

haha. watching the campus superstar now.
the guys are so cute so little so young.
but the girls are so so.

the 2nd guy reminded me of bigwheel

okie. this is random. but yeah.
random-ness brings out regularity.

[aside] the campus' superstar's guys are REALLY not bad! ((:

my teeth are hurting like mad.
i asked for it actually.

me: why doesn't my teeth hurt anymore?
dentist: oh. your teeth have moved already what.

so he went to file my teeth to make space for more movements
and i am supposed to wear elastics already.
everything in my mouth is moving.
-growls in pain-

holidays suck when it's just a study break.
holidays suck when the first day aint productive enough.

productivity is key.

went jean's place before gng to collect my overdued pay
christina was already there.
DAMN! poly having hols till end of april.
yeah. shld've known.
copthorne ACTUALLY had a tennis court despite it's limited land


it ain't a nice feeling when you thought
perhaps life might suddenly change.
but you realised you were wrong.



whatever world.
come and make my life a grave of my own.
i am used to it.

stars looking at our planet,
watching entropy and pain
and maybe startin' to wonder
how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane



i can't really find words to describe how i really feel.
i am so full after dinner that i am moodswinging.


DAMN.

layne yap is such an irritating senior!

went to her hostel to mug. she's like a maths genius apparently. and she concluded that my maths is below par.

yeah. thanks for that
but IT'S OK!! i will try harder.
she's not the only one that is trying to teach my maths anyway.
maybe i am REALLY that BAD.

sometimes, i feel that maybe mr leong will just let me quit band when i tell him how miserable i am.
it's the exasperation when you feel that you were once passionate abt smth
and now, everything's gone. and nothing's left.
my mononoke hime with serping.

it's one of those days when the aftermath of a lousy gp test
didn't really matter much to me.

had nienie outing today and it was proudly organised by our dearest ginBABE. it's REALLY hard to get all 3 of us together even though we often complain that we are really very free. had our regular pastamania and our weekly visit to the neoprint shop like what we used to do back in sec4 days. it's amazing how i could get all INSANE when taking neoprints with them!

it's REALLY REALLY hilarious! we actually spent at least 15 mins decorating all these neoprints! and it was a super funny 15 mins.

i seemed to have forgotten how to laugh so hard, so much, so enjoyable.

i guess it's alright.

happiness don't really come frequently in my life nowadays.

too much happiness make us forget what happiness really shld be.

gin had to leave.

so jean and i decided to conquer suntec city even with the IT fair going on to get my vans shoes.

and i got a new pair of vans :D

i shld start utilising my skateboard again.

it's hard to stand on the deck again when i've lost that balance a long time ago.

swam. westmall-ed.

not a very productive day. but eventful enough ((:

it's hard to comprehend a human's mind.

it's hard to juggle both facade and true self.

smiles. all smiles.

happy band section :D

afterall, a picture only record the smiles.

it's all but a facade.

`i'm losing it.

i love the feeling of keeping in pace.
quick strides. systemetic breathing. routine footsteps.
you just wanna get faster and faster.
as if you are almost lifting yourself up to another dimension.
and as you calm down,
you look above into the sky admiring the sea of stars.
you take in a deep breath and heave out all your burdens and worries.
and that's why you can proudly say
"you feel really alive."
but sorry,
i need to bring you back to reality.

once again,
my phone has proved to me that he feel his presence at home. his significance in my life has shrank so much that i didn't realise i've forgotten to bring him out until this stranger who sat beside me wriggled her super-savvy phone out of her pocket. it will be silly of me to alight the bus and go all the way home to retrieve my super underutilise phone so i just reckon it will be another day without my phone.

so we had a discussion abt sms-ing. it's quite obvious that if your phonebill is skyhigh, you're most likely messaging a guy right? jaslyn admitted that she's those kind who will initiate a sms chat. haha. and gin said the saddest thing that can happen is to rush home to check your phone and expect loads of sms-es but you've got none. so i major hinted to gin that i wouldn't want to feel that. haha. and she faithfully messaged me lah!

1 New Message

from ginnyWIFE

"this feels like tagging. Haha. Hi annie's phone. I think you had ample rest at home today right? Please function better after this."

like so cute lah! :D

even though i only received this message (dont laugh at my super lonely phone) but i'm still delighted ((:

it's always nice to have friends that take your hints seriously.

and i told dora, it's M1's fault most of the time that i don't receive LOADS of sms-es. (alright. i am deluded.)

daryl treated us to dinner last night! thanksLOTS! :D he's going for NS this sat. like finally! i reckon that many j3 became more man after going NS. weixian is still as funny as ever.

nothing much has been happening. i even have to blog abt trivial stuff like not bringing my phone to school.

did i say that i love taking guilt trips?

it makes me feel that life isn't all that bad cos' the past was so still great though it's now in black and white for me and it's diminishing in clarity and accuracy.

that's how it is with life. things just fade off gradually or it's completely remove from you instanteously.

who on earth actually came up with the fast yet painful method?

we talked. you cried cos' i can't cry anymore. and both of us feel better.

shall go for a run.

to sweat my tears away.

This Broken Heart - Something Corporate.

you woke up in pieces
from making these changes
and holding the ransom
won't write you an anthem
on the outside im trying
cause inside im dying

this broken heart was stronger then
now i cant stand to part with this
this broken heart

you took me for granted
now i've changed you haven't
it wont be so easy to sell me this feeling

this broken heart was stronger than
the words i wish you never meant
this broken heart

cant make this right
you see on my face
that im not gonna be alright
not tonight
you can read all my letters
but that won't mean things are fine
not this time
cause you gave away
all the secrets of you and i

this broken heart was stronger then
now i cant stand to part with this
this broken heart was stronger than
the words i wish you never meant
this broken heart

something corporate is really nice ((:

i remember how i used to love taking back sunday.

and how you asked me about matchbook romance. :D

`it was only a matter of time [that] your name [is] in parenthesis

QILING! I KNOW U WEREN'T IN SCHOOL TODAY K!

i was just asking to play against jjqca then i realised today was so quiet without qiling. i heart you lor! must come back to sch k! i promise i will carry you arnd! ((:

sometimes i realised many different people hold different values, different principles that actually make us different from one another. but i do wish that someone really share my convictions and beliefs. doesn't it make life more bearable to have someone to share with?

`what doesn't kill you only make you stronger.

once bitten twice shy.

everyone has their fair share of being upset and moodswingy.

we will just handle one by a time. ((:

`behind those fierce fronts, i see a weakened soul.

am i seeing myself too?

duality. i see a duality in life. gap between appearance and reality.

all so true. all so dear.

nothing comes out of nothing.

common tests are coming. and people are doing their revision.

i am still trying hard to complete my homework

i'm such an ass.

jackass-ed

`all i need is some more strength.

lead me closer to you.

i shldn't complain. but my dinner sucked.
it was porridge. salted egg. salted fish. leftovers.
argh. isn't there a way to make dinner simple yet sumptous?
so i ended up just eating plain porridge.
i know this sound trivial. but i am actually affected by it.

today was a totally wrong day.
i went to school with all the wrong stuff.
wrong text for lit. photocopied the wrong chapter for bravenewworld. and i went to buy the shoulderpins for my uniform and in the end, we didnt even get to meet our dearest principal who have pangsei-ed us twice already.

but it wasn't all that bad!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIYANA!

MY DEAREST PITA! ((:

and me and gin did the most eventful stuff today.

we are back in action again,

doing stuff that will only bring us to more misery.

but we just love it that way.

we spent the whole afternoon looking for rocky,

a missing dog.

it was quite an experience lah! i found 1 dead rat, 2 cats in the drain, 1 cat with a blue collar (maybe it's lost too!) and i saw funny dogs. hushpuppies' breed and me and gin started conversing to those dogs lah!

dog: wooof woof

gin : did you see rocky? your friend, rocky?

me: yeah. you know rocky? did you see him?

[dog started shaking his head uncontrollably as if he understands what we were talking. maybe he just got flies in his ears or smth]

haha. we looked like idiots, squatting at every drains shouting rocky. but was quite cute. gin started conversing with some maids and some foreign workers that speak in goobley goo goo language.

after the whole search, i can feel my legs feeling wobbly and weak. and what make it worse that we realised that our dialogue session with cheng was cancelled like 15 mins before we are supposed to meet her. the whole class waited for her for like 2 bloody long hours.

argh. talking to a fellow colleague now, someone who has at least arnd the same frequency as me.

anw, i realised what are we termed as in copthorne.

CASUAL LABOUR.

thanks so much. i never feel so appreciated before.

argh. whatever. demeaning job

me: hie, can i clear your plates?

boy: yah lah! clear lah clear lah!

i wanted to scream at him for being so rude!

oh anyway, i realised my phone is so underutilise,

i left it at home to rot and hibernate.

haha. maybe i shld just let it rot.

`maybe feelings really fade.

i learnt a new phrase frm lyd today
elective mutism,
which apparently is my latest hobby now.

i used to love yapping away like a noisy mosquito
but now, i stopped talking to people i don't feel comfortable with.

alright.
so what happened ystd?
i was partnered with this guy, a china guy who can't speak english. and for me, i wasn't totally proficient in speaking chinese.so his name was tong xin, alright not tong xin yuan. he's rather built or perhaps fat but useless. he was a newcomer, and i wasn't exactly skilled.alright. so i just hope he would be more pro-active.
and i was entirely wrong.

he spent the whole night pouring drinks, tea and getting scolded by me. i was running from tables to tables. portioning food for 3 tables from course 2 to 9. serving drinks, clearing plates and carrying that 4kg oblong tray back and forth the kitchen. and he was still there, carrying an empty tray not sure what to do or just holding the kettle trying to pour tea for those already filled cups

arghhhhh.
just thinking of it irks me.

i won't mind if he can just carry the dishes back and forth cos' it's really heavy. but he cant even carry a 3kg oblong tray. he was shaky and stuff and it irritated me. so i asked him to put it down, and i took that tray and carried it myself. i wasn't gng to let him put me down.

he was bloody lazy too lah! he took like 3 cups of orange juice when we only need 1 and the banquet was already ending. i bet he left his brains at home or smth.i am not trying to be mean, but seriously i was doing 2 person's job. and i was scolded by the manager for being slow.

thanks lawrence for being so nice to me to put that tongxin with me.
and he even have the audicity to ask me why i look so sad.

yeah. and this aggravated my situation that night.
i broke down even before the banquet started.
maybe just moodswinging.

at least i am not gng back till april.
and by july i will be bidding farewell to this job. officially.
but i wanna do it now, but i am proven to be indecisive.
i need e cash too. (this is trivial.cos' i just nd to stop indulgin on retail therapy)

church was refreshing today.
anguish and tears. seen and unseen.God's plan.
talkin to lyd makes me feel good.
seeing a parent aching for her child inspired me.

and lyd asked me smth. and it made me cry (teared)
i never regretted. never.
but honestly, there were times, when i thought i would be better without.
selective memories.
i did not need to select, it's already etched in me.

ystd's night was horrid.
let faith lead me, cos' i am faltering. really am.

and you: i'll support you in whatever you think is best. it's gonna be a long wait. but be patient. it's really hard to not see myself in you. i'm like a subplot to ur life and u are a subplot to mine. it's like a mirror image of both our lives. it sucks, or perhaps it's not too bad cos' at least we still have each other to depend on. but yeah, i'm honestly not a good friend and i'm sorry.
my life is screwed.
but yeah, girls of new destiny.


"when i was all crazy in school that's when i thought i could just move on"

life just couldn't get better.
but i learnt an important lesson during sunday school today.
God didnt ask us to be happy, He asked us to be contented.
we are pertually depressed cos' we aim for happiness and forsake contentment.

oh yeah, the comments thingy is still available, but i can't change it to white font cos' i lost my haloscan password and username. so the tagboard is back in action.
do tag. ((:


"And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go"
the postal service. we will become silhouttes

i broke down today

and i realised at the rate i am talking,
i am losing all my vocab and all my ability to speak.

i am leaving copthorne.
ever since this year,
i feel depressed whenever i worked.
maybe it's just language barriers, or maybe i'm too stressed up, or maybe it's just me being paranoid.

today's work suck.
i'll just update tmrw.

i am depressed.
now and forever.

Virtue

George Herbert

Sweet day, so cool, so calm, so bright

The bridal of the earth and sky:

The dew shall weep thy fall tonight,

For thou must die.

Sweet rose, whose hue, angry and brave,

Bids the rash gazer wipe his eyes:

Thy root is ever in its grave,

And thou must die.

Sweet spring, full of sweet days and roses,

A box where sweets compacted lie:

My music shows ye have your closes,

And all must die.

Only a sweet and virtuous soul,

Like seasoned timber, never gives;

But though the whole world turn to coal.

Then chiefly lives.

and all must die. so apt.

watched final destination 3 ystd.

it just seems that everyone can't escape from death.

i had a bad dream last night, i dreamt of like numerous ways i would die.

like just dying in my sleep, get knock down by a car, eaten by a crocodile.

it was really scary.

but like why on earth am i thinking of death?

i woke up and reckoned that not everyone has such an interesting death like dying on a hijacked plane.

school was short ystd.

as usual qiling was being such a hilarious shit ((:

and we concluded nj soccer guys think highly of themselves

(looks at terence HANdsome)

big momma's hse was hilarious too.

i didnt think it was a waste of money!!

((: