thank God for giving me wings to fly ((:
and i really did fly :D
happiness and i am contented.

haha. i FINALLY got a C for my standing board jump. like F-I-N-A-L-L-Y
like since sec 2?
yeah, i can't jump for nuts. so don't give me that sceptical look.
and thank God,
i mysteriously managed to jump to the min dist for my C
YIPEE YEAH!
my first jump was 160 and then 2nd jump was 172!
fyi, my average is from 158-160cm.
but i can't stand people who want to get A for all. IRKSS!

and qiling and jaslyn,
you guys can do it! LAST NAPHA ALREADY!
i will always be with you guys! :D

A01 makes me fly.

ilovea01 ((:

(statement is mostly true :D)

i love qiling and jaslyn

and we all love currywok! ((:

jeanpok really feels i got weird classmates!!!

qiling told me that she feels that she knows jeanpok very well even before she saw her, because me and gin wrote so much abt her in our blogs.

jaslyn said there was this 'yi jian ru gu' feeling!

HAHA! hilarious shits!

and i keep you here.

right here.

and right, i am naive.

never get more determined than this.

SO CUTE!
all thanks to qilingbabe! ((:

i spent the entire day with myself. i just need some time alone, with myself.
i explored haji lane and china square central today.
was quite a fruitful trip i must say ((:

sorry stanley for not attending your match.

n-air was rather intimidating today. she totally flared up and her speech was so filled with 'wth' that the only thing i managed to catch was that and that our class is a troublemaking class
accumulated anger.

part of why i am very upset is that ginbabe is enjoying herself in bangkok,
while i am stuck in singapore.
but i realised we have 3 off-days in may! but our gp will be on 26th of may.
NOT FAST WHAT!
i haven pretty much recovered from common tests1

and when qiling said mr leong was sweet and such a darling,
my hair stood.

was watching some taiwan show and this girl openly expressed her love for her ex-boyfriend.
smth like "even though we'll never be tgt, i will forever keep you here [points at her heart]"
NAIVE! NAIVE! keep for what.
but i guess memories are definitely deeply etched.
i can stll vaguely rem what happened to me when i was very young.
it's not true that time will make everything better. it's more of coming to terms with yourself over time.
qiling told me she's those sentimental kind and she will turn back.

oh and i realised i will stammer when i talk to strangers unless i've rehearsed the lines over and over again.
i went like. "erm, hie... hie. is there a vintage shop around here? by this girl...erm..serene?"
"i guess this is it."
"oh...oh...really? i'mmmm...serene's erm. churchmate."
she extends a handshake and i was stunned for a second before returning a handshake.
and she and her boyfriend nearly knocked me down.
i wished it was true )):

serene's shop is kinda cool.
and haji lane is albeit cool :D 10bucks for levis jeans (2ndhand)!!!!
and i can't make earrings for nuts )):

and now everyone's making fun of that new found cartoon character.

me and ginny finally settle down to write an email to the Cleo Young Entrepreneur Showcase ((:
it's a flea market on jun4 at zouk from 2pm to 7pm.
and we are selling various DIY stuff.

and that's provided we are OFFERED a stall.
cos' not all who emailed them will be offered a stall.

haha. even if we are not selected, there's still the LIME fleamarket or maybe just setting up a stall in school during lunch break or smth.
WHAHAHAHA!

and guess what!?!!!!
our stall is called THE RANDOM SHOP ((:
we came up with names like charms and knots, easter wings, femme fatale, Girls of New Destiny, The Guni Shop. Vision Spies, Gannie, chocotag, de'femme and etc.
it was definitely a brain cracking session
and guess how we came up with our final name?
through what we have learnt in statistics
RANDOM VARIABLES -faints-

anyone who is interested in DIY stuff can contact us at therandomshop@hotmail.com




all these happy events made me forget all my angst-iness when i reached school EVERY morning.

ever since i attempted to go to school earlier, i tried to wake up earlier, change faster, bathe faster, skipped breakfast and running like a mad woman to catch the bus and leave my house 15mins earlier so that i MIGHT reach school before she marked me a big 'L' for LATE.

and despite my various attempts, the traffic and the weather just have to grant me the attention that i will get from al vin le ong due to my perfect 'late' attendance. just when i thought i have caught the earlier bus on wed, i reached school the same time as usual and i realised my watch is 5mins slower than the band clock, which made me late even though i thought i was able to reach the bandroom before vanessa finished marking attendance.
AND I BLOODY RAN UP THE ZILLION STEPS IN NJ! AND I AM STILL LATE!!!
argh.
and today, i waited 10mins for the first bus then 6mins for the another bus but i was still ON time when i reached school (this shows how early i leave my hse in order not to be late) but in the end i was still late cos' it was raining and i don't have a brollie with me so i had to walk the sheltered pathway which is freaking long )): so i was late again.

i think she should just station herself at the school gate to mark attendance and she comes at 6.30am every morning when the reporting time is 7.20 and the bandroom is opened arnd 7am?
maybe she got sent to school or her bus service arnd her neighbourhood starts very early.
argh.

i don't want to sound like she's in the wrong
cos' obviously i know i am in more wrong than her.
for not getting down like 2 stops before and run to sch which is faster than waiting for the bus to reach the sch gate.
argh! that sounds slighty bitchy.

but yeah, they should give allowance like due to heavy traffic, rainy days.
in crescent, we wont be marked late when it's a rainy day
people will just retort back
"YEAH! you already said it was in crescent! it's n j c that u're talkin abt now!"
(do u sense a interior monologue?)

i realised blogging is just like soliloquies.
walking my own talk


gin's bangkok-ing tmrw. leaving me to handle the cleo thingy.
i really hope we got selected.
REALLY DO.


i also wanna take a break.
so sick of everything, anything.
just feel like falling into pieces
and never stand up again.
the end of me.

i am hanging on for the holiday on monday.
and yanping asked me out :D
so did elaineyapppp ((:


argh. all the lucky shits.

there's this new term: photowhoring
maybe not very new, maybe i am just outdated
it doesnt sound nice to me actually,
but I MISS PHOTOTAKING FRENZY! :D

i love my nienies :D

i watched superband and so you think you can dance today

and i am watching BLT now :D

isn't it wonderful to just snug at home and watch interesting tv shows all day long than to study? but i love ms champange's lesson cos' she really broadens my knowledge.

WHO KNOWS ABOUT COLDWAR, DUBAI, VIETNAM WAR?

MISS CHAMPANGE! :D

so fun. i wanna go Dubai for holiday!

and karwai asked me to play bass guitar for stage band for our etude concert?!!!?!!

last concert! LAST CONCERT! ((:

HOLY SHIT! i want! i want! :D

and i reckon i got very musically inclined friends! who will provide me with ALL info abt being a bassist

and perhaps i can join MILUBING as a bassist. -daydreams-

aside: i sms-ed B3 to 71199! :D hope they will be in ((:

((:

I am a hostage to my own humanity

Self-detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made

And all I’m asking is for you to do what you can with me

But I can’t ask you to give what you already gave.

be my escape by reliant k!

i think this song has christian connotations.

i like a song by their lyrics more than their tune.

-------------------------------------------

[edited]

i didnt manage to publish this ystd night and i just got a call from karwai that i am NOT going to play the bass but the normal guitar part. sob! learn the bass and be part of milubing :D

but at least better than nothing. at least my guitar can be used on the esplanade stage.

hopefully i will get to play in the end lah. everytime only say never do.

ok. that sound damn ah lian-ish.

anw, my milubing got in last night! and they were the last 2nd/3rd group to get in. i nearly got a heart attack!

SERIOUSLY.

my 60cents

(note the first person pronoun!) WHHAHAHAH

MY MILUBING! alliteration lor!

econs rawks my socks.

argh.

jean's smile. all time trademark. o_O

i feel so blessed ((: thank God for them :D

me and lyd went for a beach road tour today ((:
and i seriously think that s'pore is REALLY REALLY small.
and we just walked and turned in circles.

so we went arab street and the streets nearby.
they were selling really really nice silk cloth! and ultra authetic cultural stuff. (this reminds me of our compre passage for common tests!)
and everything was so traditional. for an instance, i thought i was at kampong glam.

there was this shop that has super retro stuff
those phones that u hafta turn the the number knobs, ice blenders (for icekachang), toys, lotsa coca cola bottles and lotsa lotsa other cool stuff.
i wonder are they anything for sale.
and there was this really cool building. parkview building

but everything was cool.
we have forsaken towning and embraced arab-ing.
WHAHAHA!

i shld have taken pics man! hai. the banes of having an ultra fat cammie!
)):

anw, go listen to reliant k - be my escape!

i love it.

take it frm me if u want! :D

it was quite a shocking news. but all is well with Christ.
all is well.

i have so much things to say. argh.

firstly, let's talk abt aristal! :D

I LOVE GINBABE TO MARS AND BACK! :D

i can almost feel her adrenaline rush when i saw her on stage and all her hardwork has paid off, so did ALL the other dancers who did extremely well last night!

and most importantly, ginny danced JUST FOR US ((:

met up with ph and jeanpok for gin's performance. haven met up with ph for donkey years and she's still the same ol' horny, cheeky, desperate, lazy and lameshit. but when i was with them, i felt like time has just turned himself back to my good ol' days and happiness was just within reach.

actually looking back, i wasn't VERY happy in crescent, it's just that life was better than.

it's RELATIVISM!

however, it's unfair to my present classmates to say that they are not fun at all. in fact, they are even MORE gregarious, lame-r and ULTRA BUBBLY. even jeanpok was overwhelmed by their enthusiasm!

and i am delighted cos' i met them :D

both of old and new.

next up, cip.

i miss their smiles. giggles. smirks.

i wonder how they can smile SO much. so much more than i can do in my entire life, i actually do wondered were they laughing at me.

ystd, i worked with the senior class, the preschool class and one super hyperactive kid.

i do feel quite redundant sometimes cos' i know nuts abt these kids and all the teachers are so capable.

and for band today was !$^&$#%^&%$^#

argh. just when i feel like putting my energy into it after watching gin prepare for aristal, everyone just has to make it worst.

overly boring and critical yet insensitive and smelly and ugly hair people are always lurking arnd in the bandroom with a music score in their hands and having tons of private conversation amongst themselves.

and just when i thot i could remove him out of my life, he just stepped back in again.

argh.

jeanpok likes to cut her hair too ((:

sometimes, i think honestly between two people are very very impt.

and i am lacking that.

work was stressful. very tiring too.

and i've nothing to say to the rest.

and i saw ryan(jas' bf) on the bus. he looks like mr tong. so beefy.

i told chiewy this,

"isn't it very upsetting to never get to talk to ur eyecandy after 2 years?"

and isn't not being able to forget very painful also?

i wanna declare to everyone that
I AM NOT GOING TO CUT MY HAIR TILL SEPT! :D
i know it sounds almost unattainable and ridiculous, but i will and i promise to try and control my small little craving for cutting hair.
personally, it's therapeutic ((:
and when i said that to my dearest classmates, they dismissed me IMMEDIATELY.
moos. (this shall me my new pet phrase!)

mrs n air spent the entire civics having a private conversation with liyana while half of the class ponned the entire day and the rest were connecting the inner selves in their respective dreamlands.
and i belonged to the latter. i didn't even realised that she has left the class!

ANW, KAIJIE RECEIVED A PRIZE TODAY! :D
i cheered very loudly for him k! :D A01 cheered too.
and i can imagine kj giving this weird look -> -_-"
everyone's vying for his attention lah!
liyana actually proposed to him?!!?!!? and he's ruth's self-proclaimed best friend.
ONE LUCKY SHIT MAN! :D

yanru's fave brand is DKNY
angela's fave brand is samuel and kelvin.

anw, back to the point abt cutting hair and it being therapeutic.
personally, i like people washing my hair for me.
i like the way they show professionalism holding the scissors.
i like my hair falling down onto the floor.
i like talking to the hair stylist thru the mirror (okie this sounds weird)
i like looking at other people cutting their hair ((:
i like seeking NEW hairstyles but they all end up the same on my head )):
and i assume lesser hair means lesser worries :D

aristal in 2 days time.
i am excited for ginBABE :D
and maybe khairi and sara ((:

many things that i wanna say, but i just can't put it in words.

i think i am no longer that sincere,
but i think the many friends (not just acquaintances) that i've made in njc will still be in contact with me 10 yrs down the road.
cos' i really treasure them now, at least they have made my life so much more bearable.
really. thanks guys :D



Heart of mine,
So malicious and so full of guile
I give you an inch
And you take a mile
Don't let yourself fall
Don't let yourself stumble
Oh, do the time, don't do the crime
Heart of mine
norah jones.

BEAMMMSSS! ((:
my fave is the one with cap! don't ask me why and don't judge my taste!
WHAHAHA! i am so superficial leh!
though i obviously don't go for looks, i go for style.
this style is greatly nostalgic and familiar.

i am greatly disappointed in myself, i have never shown such enthusiasm in looking up online info abt herbert or hughes, slomon or greenspan or any maths geniuses.
i spent my last 30mins looking for milubing's stuff ((:
and lotsa pple think that they are cute, esp the vocal and the drummer,
but i think the keyboard player is the cutest :D
they are christians, btw. [this is so random]

anw, i am faced with this great big obstacle in my life, once again.
even though it's the last time it will surface in my life and it only appears once every year.
it's black, long with numbers on it. it's daunting and seemingly life threatening.
it's the standing board jump mat.
I CAN'T JUMP!!!! like since pri school?
when i was in pri5, my teacher had no choice but to let me pass cos' i tried jumping for like 30mins and i pestered her till she almost went mad.

haha.
me and chiewy were on a very rainy bus today. it was raining in the bus man.

i drew smth really funny for chiew today :D
click here !!
(just for gags)

life is better now cos' my class has been SO funny!
who on earth suggested to wear RED ties for the j1 counsels' speech day?!?!!!
though it's monotonous, but good enough :D
at least i don't go home alone that often anymore ((:

"you always look so happy in school, but i am not very good in judging someone i guess"
how true is this?



i think this is so funny. furry faces. WHAHAHA!



But since our Saviours death did put some bloud
Into thy face;
Thou art grown fair and full of grace,
Much in request, must sought for as a good.

For we do now behold thee gay and glad,
As at dooms-day;
When souls shall wear their new aray,
And all thy bones with beautie shall be clad.

Therefore we can go die as sleep, and trust
Half that we have
Unto an honest faithfull grave;
Making our pillows either down, or dust.

DEATH
george herbert.

i can't be a fair judge cos' i am ultra biased.
i will give milubing 10 for all and the rest will be according to my mood.
HAHA!

MI LU BING ALL THE WAY!
WEIQI! WEIQI! :D
(tho i'm only giving them moral support but not by sms :/)

omg. QI:NOBE is DAMN PATTERN LAH! so rock!!!!!!
their presentation is super different from the rest! so cool!
IMAGINE JAYCHOU'S ROCK VERSION?!?!!!
like our gp essay for ct "creativity thrives in the face of competition"

lalala. i had kfc family feast for dinner tonight! ((:
kfc dinner for the entire family is like water in the desert. it's SCARCE
the last time when my mum ate kfc was like 2 yrs ago! when i was still working in kfc, so i always bring back kfc for her!
this is how unhealthy food is not part of our family. it's always porridge and more porridge!

MY SIS IS BACK FROM TAIWAN TODAY! :D
but cheryl and siew and rhoda left for italy today )):

no one noticed i cut my hair again.
and khairi threatened to cut my hands away if i cut my hair again.
alright, i shall stop cutting my hair. I WILL.

my life is so filled with trivial events.
ARGH.

why did my mum not put me in ballet or piano classes when i was young?
my mum put me in abacus class lah!
so you think you can dance?

i met a thousand pple on sat.

what i had for sermon on sun was what we learnt in herbert's poem "Death" today.
God's marvellous way of showing forth His light.

If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.
1 Corinthians 15:19

it's scary to bump into people that you really don't wish to see
it's scary to take a bus that you barely know the route of it
it's scary when all the cabs seem to drive past you as if you were invisible
it's scary to see 2 guys lurking at your lift lobby. (bad intentions or not)

for a split second when at least 4 empty cabs drove past me w/o stopping, i thought i was invisible or even dead. i pinched myself real hard and got REALLY worried and a few more cabs drove past w/o me again until one uncle finally stopped and sent me home. i finally heaved a sigh of relief. ((:

thank God for He'll provide :D

there were so many times when i felt that my life is filled with wasted opportunities.
if i've choosen this path instead of that,
would my life have been much more better, much more less pain and agony
or would it have been worst?

there are many times when we only learn to treasure God when our lives have reach the end,
maybe not that extreme, but when our lives just can't seem any better, it's almost like death.
and when our trials are over, we put God at the last priority again.
what's wrong with human hearts? what's wrong with me?
sometimes i wanna rip out my heart and see what's exactly wrong with me.
why am i so evil, so sinful?

something's getting all over me.
hai.

many asked me "how am i now?"
i can hardly ans this qn. exactly how am i now?
i barely knows.
my life is smooth sailing, is that fine enough?
humans are the best at adapting and conforming.
i bet so.
at least there are things that i'm dng now that are fulfuilling enough.
pursuing in helping others.
but i want much more. so much more.

wanqi is such a cute little jnr and i realised we were frm the same pri sch too ((:
thanks girl for making my day much better :D
it's good to be sentimental cos' you'll nv forget how everyone plays a role in shaping your life,
no matter great or small. they do change your life.
and i'm sorry that i didn't change for the good to make everyone happier with me.
it's not anyone's fault but mine own.


come back come back
come back home.


)):

phyllis came and msn-ed me and i nearly cried.
all these nice memories of me and others were just flooding in my head
i am getting so emo.
so terrible.

rojak outing today. today's main topic was SSFL
save shuyi from lesbians (SSFL)
according to eunice, shuyi has become a little lesbian-ish.
like forever with her that new found best friend, looking into each others' eyes and blah blah.
HAHA.
kinda unbelievable. i shall go check it out.
anw, SSFL was a pun cos' the girl's name is lihong.
so it's save shuyi from lihong.
(I AM REALLY AFRAID THAT SHUYI WILL KILL ME IS SHE READ THIS!
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!)

we headed down for bishy bashy at the newly revamped jec with a NEW foodcourt and NEW arcade and A neoprint shop!
it's REALLY quite hip! (quite a drastic change though it still pales in comparison to many malls)

had trio outing to wh's church! ((: it's good friday afterall.
it was quite an emo service but nice enough.
pastor lau'll get a cultural shock if he had witnessed the entire thing abt the raising hands stuff.
as usual, we were pigging at the refreshments provided and even went prata-ing at the famous cheese prata place near nus!

hai, miss all these girls )):

---
alright i didnt get to publish this ystd cos' i was uber tired.
anw, i finally watched the entire superband thing and HAHA! i have my top 3 bands in mind!
mi lu bing (MY FAVOURITE!)
jade (the white keyboard is SUPER COOL!)
Qi:Nobe.

i am watching all the auditions snippets and there's this band who is quite good but they are out cos' their vocalist have to go overseas for work.
so sad. all the other band members' dreams are crashed. gone.

it's quite amazing how the media find all these competitions a very lucrative business but it's good that they are actually looking into the abyss of singapore's talents (which i assumed there are HEAPS and TONS)
and jean said, maybe ONE FINE DAY, we will go participate as the only girl ROCK band.
(provided we get a bassist, a keyboard and most importantly A VOCALIST)
since we got like freaking 3 drummers (jean, hc and shi)
HAHA! and we also got a SUPERB dancer -winks at ginny-

music is part of our lives

i like wei qi from milubing ((: he's the band leader! ((:
he looked so mat lah! i like i like! :D



clear your mind and think straight.
what's your kind?

i like talking to the aunties and uncles in school! ((:
they are so funny and cute :D

we formed a new 'save the pandas' federation and made HELLO PANDA's our staple food


"behind all those smiles, who can actually notice how much they are raining inside?"

this question has been plaguing me for quite long and this question has always been lingering in many sappy drama serials.
it's actually quite a DUH question since noone NOONE can be happy 24/7
but who, who actually takes the extra effort to know whether are they crying inside?

terence is a funny friend.

pw results were out today and our class did SUPER WELL!
all thanks to mr leong who employed the reverse psychology method on us.
but oh well, oh well,
all's gone.

and ystd during band, this question was implicitly raised,
"how far will you go in a relationship?"

and my church is gng to have youth classes on dressing modestly.
i think MANY MANY teens need this.

many things that i said i wanna do, i always didnt get to do it.
i'm always prcrastinating. always.

and guess what,
qiling and me finally discussed abt smth serious.
"how most of us always succumb to peer pressure"
it was a great change to all the heart heart and suaning-qiling conversations
((:

not for fame, not for gain, not for glory.
just heard this quote on the tv by some charity organisation. so true.

i've been spending my life at home catching up on sleep.
what a life.
but the rest of the class are so busy. nationals, performance, pre-u sem
and i'm just slpping my life away.
a typical nj life.
whatever with the nj stereotypes

kaijie is a rising star in a01. together with rhoda and janvin

police and thief is a funny sitcom! so bathos. so singlish.

there's many times when we keep trying to reassure ourselves that our zeal and passion for something is still there
but no matter how we try, actions are still inadequate for the many things we have to achieve.
(in chinese saying: li bu chong xin)

so many a time, we just want to give up.


hold on, if you feel like letting go.
hold on, it gets better than you know

my life is such a bore now, i don't even know what i'm living for.
i want adrenaline rush.

chiewy is a really nice friend ((:
she actually accompanied me all the way to je's creative for nothing!
and i realised, SHE CAN REALLY CRAP A LOT

thanks chiewy! i appreciated it :D
it's all these little efforts to make my day a little better

i had a tramautising night last night.
another sleepless night and i practically remembered the entire dream.
EVERY SINGLE DETAILS
and it wasn't a good dream.

ms teo said those who did qn 1 for king lear didn't do well.
and i was one of the lucky 34 who did qn 1
hooray.

and i think my class board is getting more and more interesting.
do drop by tc38 for a look

oh yeah, i am sorry xinlin, but i think your classmates are really unfriendly.
they actually looked away when i tried to say hie to them.
so not nice.
)):


jinying and changjin both like the same guy.
how rival-rish can they get?
the script writer is really out to mess up their lives with conflicts.
love makes jinying look so much less a sinister.
i don't think the script writer is tryng to portray jinying as an evil character.

chiewy said my blog is a little emo.
haha
i wonder how xiaxue became such a popular blogger. but's she's realy interesting. however, i heard she used to be better before she got all attention and fame

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY FANNYMOMMY! ((:

when fannymommy left for auusie 1yr plus ago.

argh. i miss her lots )):

it's superband now. like FINALLY!

today ended in such a bad way, it kinda spoils everything before that.

forgive with our without repentence?
singapore gaga is such a heartlander show. so nostalgic
the art house is so artsy fatsy.
i wanna ride in the river cruise
i'm not gng to step into the projectshop shop at marina square ever again.


i am gng to watch super band now.
argh

i make an effort to blog down what i've done each day cos' i feel every day is worth remembering.

"maybe months down the road when u read these mundane entries, u'd feel... er.. nostalgic?" -melvyn-

i believed there's much more then just feeling nostalgic or having remembered what you've done, it's more of evaluating how much you've changed over the years and how much you've failed to learn from all the past experiences and definitely how much you've succeeded to not make the same mistakes again.

over these few hundred entries i've blogged, i realised i've actually metamorphosise
good or bad? i've yet to conclude.
and i refused to do so.
it's actually how you really look at things right?
bad things can actually be a blessing in disguise if you are really THAT optimistic
and bads things can really be REALLY REALLY BAD if you are at the other extreme.

today's main highlight: crescent funfair!!
and boy, i met a whole lots of people ((:
mini trio gathering :D
met my fave layne senior
zeanpokkk
and the sa band pple can't pon bandddd! )):

however, i feel this detachment from crescent.
i'm no longer is yellow and blue, but in gray and MORE gray.
i'm no longer in a class of 40 with a mini garden outside our classroom, a mini changing room
i'm no longer sent to school by my dad ( I MISS THIS MAN!)
i no longer enjoying being myself.

i see more of myself outside school.
at work, while volunteering.

anw, i was offered a job (a permanent full time job) to work as one of the front line officers in my hotel cos' they actually find me highly amiable.
i feel honoured. extremely in fact.
and i will never deny the fact that i enjoy working in the service sector
i used to think that i am highly unsociable (ever since i went to nj), but now i realised that i'm actually sociable, just that all these instincts are being supressed in my environment now.

wha. i can't stop bitching abt the state i've been for the past 1yr or so.
i can't. i just can't while looking how much i've beared.
argh.

man shld be just an island.


and if you would ever say,
"come back to me, girl. i'm sorry."
i'll go through all obstacles just to be with you again.

i went down to jurong gardens school today. was just supposed to meet mr keith lee abt volunteering but in the end, he made me stay back the entire day.
and gushh!
it was fun ((: really fun! ((:

anw, jurong gardens school is actually a school of MINDS (movement for intellectually disabled of S'pore) which is one of the oldest and largest non-governmental organisations catering to the needs of the Intellectually Disabled in Singapore since 1962

so i was led to a preschool class, preschool 1, with 6 little kids and 2 teachers. and joy came! (eunice's friend whom i only saw in her pictures before) her school's interact club has been helping jurong gardens school since last year! like WHAO!! i shld've join interact club also.

they had swimming today! ((: or just simply waddling in the pool but they were having so much fun!! though winston was crying through the entire trip back and forth. but it is alright cos' this is one of his way to communicate to us. (most of them have speech problem) i was supposed to help farhana wear her diapers and thank God, it was a pull-up diapers or else i will be left clueless on how to wear a diapers. and i made the kids fall a thousand times. i am so useless )):

but they are all so adorable :D

on the way home, i saw the mainstream kids and i realised how fortunate i really am. i am interested in this field not because i pity them or smth. according to mr lee, we are there to help them help themselves.

actually i wish i will stay in the preschool classes, i'm afraid i can't handle the older kids. but i saw this really sweet boy (most prob arnd our age) who was helping the younger kids to zip their jacket and helping them to carry their bags. i was so touched. serious. so tremendously proud of this guy ((:

next trip down will be next next fri since next fri is good friday! yay! and my friday timetable will be on tuesday which make my extremely long day in tues become an extremely short day on fri.
HAPPINESS! ((:

A01 has been rather moodswingy and angsty lately. must be the aftermath of getting back our ct results and the coming nationals, pre-u sem and performances. i guess things will get worse when ct 2 is approaching and our prelims too. it hasn't really sink in to me very deeply that i haven got a lot of time left. at the rate i am progressing, i can forsee a very bad end.

today has been a good day since it ended well.
thank God for my normality. thank God for patience, opportunities.
though i never feel so lost in my life, ever.

thank you God for the world so sweet

sometimes i rather be self-deluded and ignorant and do everything in my own ways when i need not care about other people's remarks, feelings or whatever attitudes they have.

i miss talking abt serious stuff. mundane stuff like hearting someone is so trivial.
i miss having someone to have a heart to heart talk. or just simply having lotsa time to talk. at the rate i am talking, i am turning autistic, though i am often heard talking abt irrelevant stuff in school and i feel that it's just so trivial (yeah, i got limited vocab)
i need some depth in my life.
i need to share. i want to share.

anw, in jurong gardens school, the autistic kids' classrooms have individual compartments so as to let them have their world on their own while still having interaction time with others. i've yet to see these classrooms though.

i am rewatching the sad swordfighting drama serial.
still so sad.
)):



amy's dog died today.

today's just ain't the right day.

turmoils after turmoils. disappointments after disappointments.
it's saddening to many not because we did not do well,
it's disheartening when you tried so hard and still unable to achieve.
and all that we wanna achieve is just what our teachers want us to obtain.

argh.
throbbing head