FAST FACT FOR TODAY!

don't ever drink icedmocha in the morning with an empty stomach. it causes a TERRIBLE stomach upset and it drains your entire day away.

so i drank iced mocha in the morning and it really makes me feel like SUPER uncomfortable the entire day.

)):

econs is draining my brain juices away. i think i am facing a diminishing marginal returns and i am serious!

haha. this reminds me of something that i wrote abt physics a long long time ago.

physics, oh my dear physics.

you kept me close to you like gravitational force.

you kept me moving on further to love you due to inertia.

and every moment[s], i will think of you,

be it anti-clockwise or clockwise.

i keep you right inside me as we undergo total internal reflection.

your sound hit me right there, regardless of the pitch or amplitude.

i love you cause u are like gamma radiation

that penetrate through my stone heart.

i love you cause you are 'PHYSuckICS'!

[annie 17/9/04]

haha. when i was young, innocent YET CREATIVE! i think my mind is experiencing a drought/ famine and whatsoever lah! i wrote a lot more.

i'm not going to whine anymore.

just a split second of the back is sufficient for me.

that second is just like an antidote to my poison.

ironically, i feel both alive and dead at that instance.

haha. okie this is lame.

anw, i realised my hamster is like SUPER cute ((:

i was observing it today for like half an hr! she loves to like kick the tissue paper into a ball to make into a bed. she hides her food in an OH-SO-NOT-DISCREET coner and she runs on her wheel like an idiot!

i just wonder, how all beasts (including human) are so spendidly make to suit their habitats. like my hamster is so make to fit my creative habitat for her.

i remembered shaking her cage and shouted "earthquake! earthquake!" and i started sprinkling water all over. (in imitation of a downpour?)

okie. i reckon that was lame.

anw, tmrw's sag-c's wear specs day :D

and A01's gonna have an outing soon!! ((:

we finally finished the korean show (my bf is typeB) during civics today.
HAHAHAHA!
i think the school should organise more of this!!
it's quite a sad show, but it's also SUPER HILARIOUS! :D

perhaps blood groups DO matter.

yeah.
and i remembered smth

anw, was having lunch today with the 3 sub-bers.
khairi wants to form a 3 sub-bers band LAH!
-rofl-
so liyana proudly announced that she's gng to join the njsoccergirls.
and dora wanted to join too.
then i was like I ALSO WANT!!

anw, pi's dad was a national soccer player
and my dad was a referee and a goalkeeper and he's a match inspector for s-league now!
(this is e only thing i can flaunt abt my dad n i'm still proud of this fact!)
so i believe there's hidden talent in me to play sports! :D

but imagine me playing soccer!
hahaha. alright. i think I AM GOOD K!
(if i start learning to co-ordinate both hands and legs!)
but I AM SERIOUSLY interested!
i wanna try playing sports for school!
it's like after 5 yrs of band, i think i need a little break.
i mean, i am not quitting band, it's just an additional cca.
but aiyeah, who knows lah!

and qiling is a FUNNY classmate!

1. she refuses to buy her own soup and when we(dora and I) refuse to buy for her, she WHINES and WHINES and WHINES!
2. she refused to go recess with me cos' she only wanted to go with her fave desk partner (dora)
3. her soup always contains NOTHING except soup(literally)

qiling, be proud of yourself k!

i dedicated half of my entry to you! :DDDDD

(and all these are observed during a short lunch break so i would expect a more funny qiling if i get to talk to her ONE WHOLE DAY!)

:D

funny class i got.

3 sub-bers man.

it takes me a long time to really open myself out to people now.
i just don't feel like talking much.
and if i do,
i just don't feel like talking THAT much now.

perhaps spending too much time alone slowly decreases your ability to communicate with others.
words just don't seem to be coherant anymore
and actions just seem out of place sometimes.

anw, ystd was quite a good day.
we had a section lunch after a long long time.
and it was just us. the girls only.
so we chatted and talked.
it was nice ((:

i think my sis is a busybody.
she nips her butt in everything.

alright. so i went to work. as usual. i didnt talk a lot.perhaps just 5 sentences to each one of them? OH! except shaun (arnd 7sentences?) who i've not seen since godknowswhen.

i've no idea since when i seriously hate talking.
but perhaps, the people at work have the wrong frequency as me.
to me, they are still nice. just wrong frequency.
perhaps i dont really work a lot, and i don't really go out and talk to them or smth.that's why, there this strange barrier between me and them.
(i think so lah! cos' during the hols, i really enjoyed their companionship!)

anw, ystd night's function was dinner and dance.
the theme was "BACK TO SCHOOL"
and i saw a crescentian on my table.
i so much wanted to tell her, "HEY I AM A CRESCENTIAN TOO!"
but i didn't cos' i was just a waitress.
(and i am actually looking down at my own job)
she was wearing a councillor badge, so i assumed she was once a councillor and i wondered what was going through her mind when she wore back this uniform that she wore at least 2 decades ago (she's arnd 40-ish).
yeah, but it was really heartwarming to see this crescentian all grown up and married. and i really see myself like her next time, still wearing crescent uniform with pride.
OH YEAH! SHE TOTALLY TUCKED IN HER UNIFORM LAH!!

it was really cool.
except those imposters in don't know what shit uniforms
that company has lotsa RIs, ACS, boysbrigades uniform and this dad on my table was so proudly announcing that he wore an authetic school uniform, his son's uniform!!

and yeah, i have attended like 5-6 dinner and dance
and out of the 5-6, around 4 companies used the theme "back to school"
all the companies thought this theme was unique,
but actually it's not.
i guess, these adults just need a break from reality.
but the dinner and dance's theme last night was the most successful
at least 70% of the workers came in school uni ((:

alright.
written words are most effective to express what i really feel now.
ciaos.

i am a sourpot.

after reading her blog,
how i wished i was her.
how i wished i could just ring up someone when i'm lost (literally).
and perhaps someone, someone might just say the same thing to me.
but yeah.
sometimes i wished things won't be like it is now,
to be more than just acquaintances.

people around me have been behaving weirdly lately.
snap. snap. walk away.

so today wasn't exactly a day when SAG-C was feeling high.
i believed it was king lear's fault.
every fridays are such short days, i find it useless to go to school
but we watched this korean show, "my boyfriend is typeB" and i realised that nj uses chinese movies to teach chinese. it's like DAMN cool lah!why didnt i get to learn chinese like this!

my new craze is swimming and rollerblading!
after my first swim at pi's place ystd, i was super tempted to go back today for a swim. it was cool, cos' i got free food after the swim but my arms are aching now.

dinner-ed with enoch in town. it was like fellowship time.
i find it pleasing to see fellow christians who are delighting in Christ, walking His way. it's REALLY cool how faith has worketh in us, allowing us to believe without doubting. and i am thankful for this faith.

but i need to be stronger.
much more stronger in my faith especially.

anw, i had a talk with amy yesterday.
it's really nice to have someone who understands.
personally, i feel that while comforting others,
it works best by not judging and commenting,
but just being there and listen.
and i believe it's really alright to whine.
just don't judge.

goodnight. i've band tmrw.
RAWKS SIAZ

i feel that my contact lenses are infected or smth.
i think it really is cause it was hurting my eyes BADLY today!
i think cos' i don't wash my lenses,
i just dumped it into the solution,
which regina said, have caused her eye infection.
damn.
i shld start wearing specs again!

nj's enrichment week is quite an enrichment.
i am gng for german crash course,
LINGERIE talk, yoga course, sneaker's painting course and blah blah.
and yeah, LINGERIE talk,
perhaps they teach us how to make our busts bigger.
and i can start talking in goobley goo goo german and NO one will understand me.

WHAHA!
pardon me. i am just entertaining myself!

i always say grace before i eat.
i think i don't.

and stanley wrote me a letter today.
HAHA! hilariousshit.

haha.
me and gin are in this renting vcd craze.
and gin is a MAJOR pirate man!!!
haha.

so yeah,
i rented this vcd, before sunset
and it's like a 1.5 hours long, it's rated NC16 and it was like 4 stars or smth.

AND I SERIOUSLY THINK IT'S OVER-RATED!!!!

so for the 1.5 hr, the characters were just talking to each other.

like erm, how i usually talk to my friends!

excuse me, this is a show, not a documentary or smth!

and it's like NC16

like erm, the only thing that i think that has sexual content/ violence/ vulgarities is the girl pointing middle finger and also wearing this semi-translucent shirt.

argh. waste my money!

i was waiting for a sappy movie that i could cry and cry and cry.

I JUST LOVE MOVIES THAT MAKE ME CRY!

i feel so cheated.

and i refused to stop watchin the show cos' i wanna make sure i make my money worth even though it's like DAMN boring.

i reckon the 'in' thing now,

is to go home early after school! :D

which i am doing!

hahaha.

copthorne is paying the staff 2hrs extra if you work on sun.

it's like EASY money.

but yeah, school's MAIN priority.

ginny is so noisy lately!!! -TSK-

and ruth's mum bought her soccer jerseys cos' her friend said her sons would like it. (and the irony is that ruth's a GIRL)

-hilariousshit.

herbert is a holy man. i wanna be more like him.

next wed is 'wear specs' day,

cos' gin made NEW specs!

and SHIT,

i am wearing renu's contact lenses.

WILL I BE BLINDED??

ahaha. some guys prefer bimbos more than bitches cos' they won't waste their energy rebuking them

but don't they find their conversations will be so BRAINLESS?

alright. i just uploaded my pics from hk and pics during the roadrun

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8QZN2jho0bsII&notag=1

hktrip.

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8QZN2jho0bv9g&notag=1

roadrun.

i know the hk pics are REALLY late.
but yeah.

anw, i think i am actually a very unglam person.
but whateverr.

forcing back the fierce tears.

sometimes i feel that i shldn't work anymore.
it's somehow quite a toil for me.
it's more of a emotional trauma then a physical one.

imagine yourself not being able to understand 1/4 of their sense of humour and to communicate with them in chinese half of the time.
it's quite sad for me to see them trying hard to switch to english mode to speak to me.
and erm,
i don't know.

but work is still challenging to me.
i wanna be faster, wanna be stronger.
i still like the adrenaline pumps when the banquet starts.
perhaps, i just need excitement which i really lack in school.

i think most of the bus drivers are out to give me a hard time.
this year, i have experienced twice when the bus drivers just happily passed my stop w/0 letting me off though i have ALREADY pressed the bell.
and they always pick the best time,
when i am MAJOR MOODSWINGING
they just want me to fall on my knees and cry myself a river.

today, i was on the verge of breaking down a thousand of times.
but the tears seem to like STUCK there.
like constipation man. damnit.

and today was such an unlucky day.
damn the hot weather in the noon
damn the pouring rain in the evening.

anw, funorama was crowded.
gin: WHA! it's like MANGO sales man!
yeah. and we concluded that rich people hang out with rich people.
and jean is damn aunty lah
jean: i will not let XXJC which is damn freaking rich to suck up my money.
and she's from XXJC for first 3 mths. XXJC-ians go kill her man!!
haha.
but i met a lot of old friends! :D



`i just feel that no one bloody care whether i am dead or alive.

i finally found ONE reason why to like nj.

cos' i got nice crescent friends in nj ((:

like gin-neh and chock! :D

-crosses my fingers and pray that it's sufficient for me to survive for the next 8months-

road run today.

at least, i didnt psycho myself to give up.

but ya.

me and dora had a parallel shift downwards.

we downgraded from 7 and 10 to 17 and 20.

and yeah, i am the 20th.

if i knew it earlier, i would just hold gin's hands and jump into the line tgt!

then we will have 2 20th postition and from A01! :D

Aerius came in 2nd. like OMG! first time.

aerius is like keller and curie, always competing for the last position!

in fact, we are like top holder of the last position.

but yeah,

05A01 is kinda high today. -beams-

and kaijie is so funny. rofl.

and greattttt news, I ROLLERBLADED today. it's like SUPER fun!

and yeah, it was TRIO's outing!! :D

though i injured by poor elbow and landed on my butt a few times.

but it was worth it! i just wanna be able to play all wheels sports :D

((:

and there was this super nice uncle who tried to teach me some skills,

this super haolian guy and his cmi friends

and the shop attendent who is ermx. kinda WEIRD.

they all look ahbeng-ish except the uncle!

so we laughed and bitched and laughed and bitched

then we planned a surprise for weihao!

xl told him she's not gng for the class dinner or smth,

but actually ALL 3 of us were going.

so i ACTUALLY had dinner with like NJC-IANS!!!!!

like ermx. yeah. njc-ians.

i've concluded. it's not njc-ians that are not nice,

it's just some band people.

all band people is an OVERgeneralise statement.

and yeah, i think i am leading a dual life.

and i prefer the life i have with my trio around.

free and easy ((:

YEAH! happiness! ((:

i will go for band in a good mood tmrw! :D

i will try to say hie to EVERYONE when they see me!

and make them feel that i am actually a very nice person! :D

tiredtiredtired.

HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY

lallalalalalalalalala~!

kim from antm.

.
all thanks to my dearZEANPOK, i know who's the winner of antm cycle5
and she's ____________ haha.
don't wanna be a spoiler or else that gin-neh will be a petty person and
ermx draw[vandalise] on my notebook?!?
like dots. -_-" [kaijie's face]

i just feel that the picture is so apt.
that's like exactly what i am feeling right now
have been feeling and would be feeling.
it's killing me softly.
in fact, everything.

i wanna scream. wanna just ask everyone to get out of my bloody life.
i can live without anyone in my life.
and don't act as if you really care
it's not particularly pinpointing at anyone.
it's like to EVERYONE. okie. that's an overgeneralise statement.
cos' i know there are people who i want them to be with me.
yeah. if i didnt tell you i appreciate you, then get get away.
and actually it's just NJC-ians.
and perhaps, just band people.

as i've said, even the toilet aunties are nicer to me.
they say 'hie' to me whenever i walked passed.
i feel...
happy.

is that a lot to ask for?

.
i sound like an immatured bitch.
bitching that no one talks to me anymore.
aiyeah. but i don't know lah.
it has been bugging me since godknows when.

.
cheryl is so sweet. she burned us a cd each with the songs 'that gets her[me] through the day'
and she hopes it will bring us through each day.
and gin who provided me with tissue
and siew who is always so kind and caring.
i believe they are sufficient for me
thanks sag-c ((:

.
i came up with a theory why we don't scream at our friends when we are really pissed at them while we argue back at our parents when they get on our nervesssss!
the fact is, they are your parents, no matter how much you show ur anger at them, hurl them with unkind words, retorts, complain abt them or even hate them
they still love you.
but it ain't the same for other people,
others might get pissed, they might stop talking to you, they might APPEAR to be friends with you, but they cant stop bitching abt you behind your back.

it's just the same with Christ right?
how much He wants you back in His arms again
though we often turn our backs at Him.


`When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will You break down these walls and pull me through?



i thought i was self-reliant.
but i guess, i'm wrong.

actually, i didn't need that from you.
but thanks anyway.
at least you did rem.

.
i hate every single one that is making my life this shitified.
i seriously do.
and that includes you, YOU, you and you.

argh.
i'm filled with so much angst, i just feel like biting people.
and this reminds me of lisa and her poor hand :D
i think i have violent tendencies.
nvm.
i think i am petty and mentally unstable.
and i think way TOO much.

.
vday was not too bad. it was kinda high.
but how high can high be?
the song dedication was damn cool cos jaslyn and I dedicated the same song to A01!
usher's caught up
and i realised it when the person was like the same song for the same class!?!?!?!!
haha. great minds think alike.

anw, crescentians rawk :DDDD
like <-----------------------------------------------------------------------> this much!
haha.
cheer up yuchenbabe ((:
we all go thru the same shit
and i started like 6 mths before you.
i got my fair share of shit.
everything will be fine. i promise. cos i went thru it
and perhaps, still gng thru it.
though it's hard, but still need to try.

bestronggirl :D

to ginbabe: i wanna let u be happy too. i wanna be happy too.
to jeanPOK: happy vday girl! hope ur world war3 will end soon :D
to trio: hearts you girls ((: this fri!
to andrea: if you do readd, be happy girl :D
to you: take care too
to everyone: happy vday. happy friendship day.
to myself: be strong in the Lord. be strong. be happy. be thankful. be nicer. don't be late for band.

just here to say 'hi' pple.

my life is so smooth sailing that i got nothing to blog about.
and perhaps my misery is often sheer self-indulgence.
but it really doesn't matter.

((:

oh anw,
lydia got influenced by me and miao.
loners rawk.
sometimes we just need some time being alone.
but i guess, i got quite a lot of that.


oh yeah,
i went out with nat, apri on sat.
it's kinda weird combi but yeah. nat wanted to cut her hair.
and me, being known as havin the best lobang in acceptable hairdressers,
i brought nat to ZEANPOK's hairstylist. and it looked good! :D
then nat left, apri invited me to tag along to his some class outing.
so i met his friends.
ermx
it's KINDA weird. okie it's SUPER weird.
haha.
but yeah, i made more friends.


my 'hi' is kinda long.
haha.

hi again ((:

` wish i could just cry all night long.

i am currently in an eat-till-you-full-but-still-wanna-eat-more mood.
i've been munching snacks since the time i reached home.
kinda like stuffing myself man.
and dipping love letters(a new year goodie) into nutella.
don't ask me why i did that but it actually taste quite nice.
so now,
i am like BLOATEDDD )):
and i finished all my left over snacks.
hai.

if it makes me happy, i will do it.

i just watched titanic.
alright, i am outdated.
cos i didnt manage to catch it at the theatres and on channel 5 nor any scv channels.
so i rented the vcd and watched it.

sad-ed.

will i give up my life for someone i love?
will i rather we all die together?
will i die for my passion?

this is confusing lah.
like will i?

you pple,
just stop hanging me by the string lah.


you jump, i jump.
i know this is damn cheesy,
but whateverr.

i read this funny quote written by kaijie on our classboard today
"your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory"

i thought it was funny ((:


it's just ain't the right day today.

shit.
i am feeling like an ultimate sinner.

i didn't know things will turn out this way.
i am really sorry.

it kinda sucks when you tried to be nice,
but your actions actually hurt someone.
it kinda sucks when your kind intentions aren't appreciated too,
but this is not the main focus.

argh.
i know i'm selfish.
i just want the best for myself.


i should just be on my own.
loners rawk.

"While it takes a minute to have a crush on someone,

an hour to like someone,

and a day to love someone,

it takes a lifetime to forget someone"

haha. my mortal sent me this card with this quote.

how sweet :D

actually, i have nothing much to blog.

just that i wanna tell you how much infinity the cheongs have with banging their head.

read gin's blog for her incidents man!

rather HILARIOUS and SERIOUS! :D take care man babe! ((:

and for me, on that day she banged her poor nose, i banged my poor head on the basin.

and today,

i was desperately trying to stock myself with tissue paper, so i went to watson to get LOADS of packets. me, being quite short was desperately trying to fish for a packet among the packetssss in the super tall shelves. so, rather then getting just one packet, the whole lot fell onto my head like thunderstorm.

okie. i think i tend to exaggerate a little.

but you see, lit students love flowery language.

and i am serious.

look at george herbert and his poems

nvm. my nose is dying.

anw, my bro's nose bridge got dislocated cos' he sneezed too hard,

and he's gng for a operation for that.

and i guess at the rate i am sneezing,

my nose is going to fall off.

bless me.

it sucks when only one side of your nose is blocked and how you are desperately trying to breathe through only one nostril.
it sucks when homework are piling no matter how much you've done
it sucks when everything you see so blur and trying so hard to squint at the screen.
it just sucks when it seems weird if you want to start trying now.
perhaps it's just too late.

and cool,
i am the top late-comer in band
and i am fined 9 bucks thereotically.
but mr leong changed it; it's now, 5bucks + cleaning the band room.
He reckon that it's useless to take my money.
HAHA
alright. i told him i will change.
so tmrw, i will wake up earlier
and catch my bus :DDD


he told me
"you are year 2, try to be more committed. tho' i know you are just waiting for etude to be over but yeah, stay committed."
so motivating. i am touched.
SERIOUS! ((:



i like the fountain of wealth at suntec at night ((:

a short extract frm the book "One Child" by Torey Hayden

"What i can't figure out is why good things always end."
"Everything ends.
What doesn't end is the way we feel about each other.
Even when you are all grown up and somewhere else, you can remember what a good time we had together.
Even when you are in the middle of bad things and they never seem to be changing,
you can remember me. And I'll remember you."

it appears to me that everything good will always end.
and it always end when i enjoyed it the most.
but what i'v learnt thru'out these years,
is that being sentimental doesn't pay.
it doesn't pay at all.


what's life when you lose all your hopes?
someone told me that he's upset because he has lost all his hopes in accomplishing smth in his cca. so i told him, i am sorry. i have lost the feeling of being hopeful in all things. i can't really help you. but yeah, even if others give up hopes on you, you can't give up on yourself.

and that was the best advice i can give him
cos' i realised i've been living without a hope; a desire to accomplish smth.
i'm simply living for the sake of looking forward to a better life in uni;
at least out of nj.

at least, i am hopeful to make my uni life more fulfilling.
does this count?

and when i'm feeling upset,
i like to read my older blog entries
and this is what i saw
band today. taking pictures as usual. playing songs frm sec 1 to 3. fun fun! love band.
it's relativism acting upon my again.
i can imagine myself typing that when i was in sec 4.
typing it filled with enthusiasm, passion and hopes.


wonderful God,
wonderful God,
you are worthy for the glory.
i love hillsongs,
they never fail to make me cry.



imagine a long dark alley with an exit sign at the end.
the exit leads to freedom,happiness,
all things that you ever wanted,
so you prayed,
"God, i'll walk by faith and not by sight, lead me."
however, after saying the prayer.
you refused to take a single step,
fearing that you may bump into the walls and fall.
you won't even know where God will lead you if you don't even trust Him to guide you



`it just happens to me that i thought of you today.

today's a weird day.
i actually feel HIGH when i was in school

stayed in school for a while with siew and cheryl.
we had a video craze. we started taking videos of us mugging, slpping and slacking; videos of us singing mr w's "plum in tomato salad always causes purple vomit" song.

haha. hilarious shit)):
it's good to end the week on a happier note.

siew agreed that our mood cycles are contagious, cos' she's getting our mood cycles too.
)):
that's bad, cos' she's the permanently happy one!

i like the aunties and uncles in nj.
the toilet aunty, the mumbo no.5 uncle and aunty, tropicana's aunties.
why do they treat me better then the rest of the cohort in nj?

i tried to be nice.
sometimes, i said 'hie' to some band pple,
but they just ignored me,
so i gave up trying.
but yeah. at least i talked a little (like 10 sentences? including hi and bye) to evelyn on the bus today! which is a good progress. and at least the trumpet jnrs talked to me a little too.
alright. i sound desperate
but it's just so difficult to remain mute unless pple have no choice but to talk to you.
it's like though i'm once part of the band, but it's as if i'm invisible and insignificant.
okie. that's an overstatement

so stop stereotyping me please
i think i am nice.
:D

okie. though i was HIGH today, i was in loner's mood.
went to the national lib and borrowed loads of books! :D
ilovelibraries! :D
walked around bras basar and saw this UBER nice levis watch.
i wanna get it man! ((:
but i am saving up for a new phone.
but actually, i am pretty satisfied with my present one.
nvm.

yeahhhhhh! gin's place tmrw :D
cant wait for the nj pple to see how weird our dear friend ZEAN is! ((:
haha.
at least apri's gng for the dinner ((:


and i got a box of chocs today :D



`when you ain't trying, everying just gets better.
new stuff just interests me more )):

i think i am an evil person )):

i guess it's almost time i'm back to my black and white series.

but i'm ok ((:

just feeling that i'm experiencing a spiritual drought.
so went to read "behind a frowning providence"
i think it's a book given by bakwei like EONS ago.
maybe when i just came to church.
maybe when i was still spiritual alive.

so there was this section; " God's Designs in Dark Providences"
and it's abt why sufferings are part of the Christian way.

1. Sufferings are to try us
2. Sufferings are to expose our sins
3. Sufferings are to build character
4. Sufferings brings us to know God better
5. Sufferings produce fruit in our lives
6. Sufferings lead us to make God our all and to prepare us for glory

sufferings are actually good.

just feel quite spiritual lifted aft reading.
which is apparently good.
then you will start questioning,
how long will it last? how long will it sustain you?
i just feel so. so guided by my own knowledge
which is kinda wrong. but it's so hard. it's just so hard to be goody good annie.
in nj, annie is known to be UBER mean and unapproachable.

o, how wretched am i.


it sucks when they think what they do is always right
when we just want the other way.
but why do we tend to find someone to take the blame
to make ourselves feel better?
i'm guilty of this.



`at least i'm fine with it already.
thank God.
let it go. let God.