Saturday, August 28, 2004

`new pics uploaded.
for aad! yayee! ((:

a big THANK YOU to all those who came!
jonapi. dan. jo. clar. vinc. pi's cute cute friend!
-muahhhhhhh! ((:

Thursday, August 26, 2004

i'm not going to whine anymore.
just a split second of the back is sufficient for me.
that second is just like an antidote to my poison.
ironically, i feel both alive and dead at that instance.

what an apt description!
and i really don't understand why am i so fated to her!!!
i really wanna know her!
call me a nosy. call me an ah soh!
i just wanna know her,
to ANY extent.
she's arousing my interest! x) woohoo! -winks at gin.
'hgyn' rawks my socks! =D

went for topless 5 with my dearest wife.
we ate so much! as if we have eaten a cow!
my fave rum raisin, choc and strawberry! :)

car washing on sat for AAD! ((:
sooooooo excited! we will get ourselves all wet!!
i hope there will be adults to let us wash their cars!!
i wannaaaaaaa! -whines!-
hee hee! and i got the front of my funky shirt ready! ((:
can't wait for the last sch event. x)

can't wait for you to grow up to forsake this childish nature of yours.
u are plainly i m m a t u r e.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

do u guys treat us as fools? silly, idiotic fools?
we have neither big butts, big boobs, but we have what it takes.
and YES, we do.
please don't pick us up when you feel like it and dump us down the rubbish chute when u see someone coming along. we are definitely NOT substitutes.

we waited. waited. and waited. waiting for this ending that we know will not be ours. both of us are from 2 different worlds, 2 different family backgrounds, 2 different personalities,
but we have something in common,
we NEVER fail to hope that a miracle will appear.

i'm going to end this game. i'm drained thoroughly. totally exhausted.
i'm not saying that i will give up completely, cause i know i will never be able to do that. it's still part of me. waiting is still gonna be part of my routine, till one day my patience runs real low. i still yearn for that ending that i have been wishing upon the stars. i know all these are just wishful thinkings which will make me be stuck in this bottomless pit.
but this is my life.
i will try to start a new game, find a new interest, devote myself in something else. but no promises, cause i really doubt my capabilities.

no more kitkats. no more lollipops. no more gummies.
i need to find a new choc to replace my kitkats. perhaps.
crunchie. or perhaps hersheys.
well. nothing can be compared to my dearest kitkats.
but yet, i still hafta move on without my favourite chocolate and trying to find new substitutes or even find a new passion in another chocolate.
but till the day i find my new passion,
i will still love kitkats =)

i didn't expect everything will turn out like this.
from a dream to a reality then to a past.
what a tragic ending.

everything i do,
in memory of you.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

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i love being on the swing.
the feeling is awesome. indeed splendid.
the momentum it creates,
gives me a sense of security.
though monotonus,
yet i rather it be like this.
no more ups and downs in life.
at least for now.
the past was too much for me to handle.
give me some time,
to enjoy this monotony.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

my heart pangs. my outburst of tears. my rush of emotions.
were all for you.

i'm embarking on a new journey. i know it's kinda late.
but for this past month my reluctance to put back this past
has made me walked in circles,
always ending up on the same landing ground,
feeling helpless. vulnerable.

now, i'm back.
dead but was brought back to life.
chasten by His unconditioned love,
out of the eternal damnation.
i know it's never too late to fall upon my knees,
to ask for Thy glory.
carry me together on our journey to everlasting life.
i wanna be a burden to You for all my life.

telling myself all these do help.
psycho-ing. self-reproaching. condemning. reaffirming.
everyday, i'm making a step closer and closer to...
... ... ...
31 DAYS!
does the school need to put up poster everywhere
to remind us that prelims are coming!! -yells.
mr loh stated that we shld be at our gear 5.
guess i'm still at gear 1?
whatever lah!!!

i didn't expect everything to become such a big hoo-huh.
in church. what a place
well. we'll make sure we do smth to it.
we will.
give us some time.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

i hate waiting. i am so sick of waiting.
i hate tuesday. hate thursday. hate sunday.
i hate. i hate. i hate.
i hate crossing my fingers wishing that a miracle will appear.
i hate pretending as a passerby.
i hate making detours. walking a thousand miles.
i hate acting nonchalant. as if i don't care.
i hate being the annie now.

`it's easier to be said than done.
the light i'm searching for is so ambiguous.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

i was struck with a calamity.
i never felt so awe-struck before. NEVER.
though i totally made a fool of myself and yet i enjoyed being one.
i never blamed anyone for my tragic life
but myself.

it's my life.
and i was the one who treaded this path.
who am i to blame
but myself.

yet i feel glad. thankful. touched. with those around me.
i nv felt so cared before! :)
thanks for fanny's shoulders ystd. at that instance. i really didn't know what i was feeling. i was rooted to the ground. i needed fanny's shoulders. more than ever. i watched and stared. smiled and then turned away.
what a loser :(

to wifey, fanny :)
thank God you guys were the one with me at that moment.
not anyone else.
though our nienie family is spliting up day by day. i still love ya guys lots! so much.
thanks for being there (:
wifey. our 'marriage' is predestined. we are meant to suffer this ordeal together. i used to think our coincidence was mere coincidence. i realised i was wrong. it's really fated. really amazed how this world turns for us. to suffer all these together. if i ever were a wet blanket or anything. i am sorry. yet. i realised. i need to do smth to pick u up. i can't just give u my blessings when that is completely not what i wanted.
i am sorry.

to my kfc gang.
u guys rawk! :)
thanks for being so MEAN to me. it's definitely not nice to be DUMPED on the train.
HMPH! but i still LOVE you guys! :)
our accidental meeting.
cold creek manor. great world city. basketball. pool. ginza plaza....etc.
thanks for being such crappy friends. i always feel so annie with u peepx.
and i enjoyed being myself =D
u guys don't need to feel angry for me or anything. i'm alright :)
i still miss prefer the mean side of you guys! [i'm such a sadist] ahaha!

to trio. antisocialist.
we are who we are. we are not going to change ourselves to blend in with the crowd.
i love you guys for our christian fellowship that one can nv find. i love you guys for our funk-iness. i love you guys for all the gossips we shared. i love you guys for all the obstacles we overcome. i love you guys for our anti-socialism.
I LOVE YOU TWO! -muahhhh
sorry if i had shut my ears from ur warnings.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

i didn't have a hunch. i didn't have any premonition.
it just happened. like an unexpected asteroids falling from the outer space.
alright. wrong analogy.

too much coincidence. too much unexpectancy.
too much of unpredicatable.
i never thought i will be so fated with my wife. and sadly,
fated in THAT way.
that way that caused much joy, laughters, tears, hurt
and an unerasable past.
and one will least to believe what we have been through.
like gin said,
"how can we be put into the EXACT same situations
on two seperate occasions,
on two consecutive days"
and yet resulted in the same ending.
this is our fate. we are fated and i love you, wife (:

it's ain't that same feeling. i doubt i will ever feel the same anymore.
no matter how hard i try to make myself feel it again
i can't do it.
and it makes me wanna run away.
the standards are there.
`the unattainable.
i know it's ain't fair. but this deceitful heart is SELFISH, EVIL.
i am sorry for that.

i wanna watch the notebook. i don't care!
i must watchhhhhhh! -whines! ):

-desperately needing a reality check.

Friday, August 06, 2004

i realised how frail my heart is. how vulnerable it has become.
all it takes is a prick and the next instant, it's on the ground,
i am feeling like shit now. all thanks to that silly book ):
i shouldn't have read it. it brings me back to that world that was non-existant.
the world that i yearned for.
`everything that i yearned for.
i was punched right in the centre. by a single message. and *poof- that world was gone.
vanished in to thin air.

and thanks for that.
i don't think i was at fault. u are searching for your own interest.
so who's the selfish one?
this is your life. u live it the way u want it to be.
i shall hereby wash my hands off your life.
-all the best.
my fellow comrade. SKAP.

`A man with a faded, well-worn notebook open in his lap.
A woman experienced a morning ritual she doesn't understand.
Until he begins to read to her.
-the notebook.

Thursday, August 05, 2004


Consanguinity 4C3'04!!
new class theme!
means the state of being in a family! xP
so sweeet! :)
with credit to IMELDY! x)
LOVE 4C3! -muahhhhhhh!

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

yayee! finally town-ed with my WIFE!
my mamasan wife is having some face crisis
so i hafta support myself this week ):
BOOO! and she wants me to be a gigglo! -bish her-

i saw my pri 6 crush just now!!!!
he stays near me but thennnnnnnnnn it's like.... woohoo!
so i followed him. [sounds like some kind of stalker]
anddddddddd suddenly a head popped out frm the wall
gave me a BIGGGGGGGG fright.
but it was not him tho! or else, it will be so embarrassing! :
well. well. what a pri 6 crush!!! x)

ms seah was so cute today! she eavesdropped me and gin's conversation.
or perhaps gin was talking way tooooooo loud!
she said she is stress too. over us.
she wanted to go shopping to relieve stress!
i think she must be too stress, cause she always wear nice nice clothes!!!
[her wardrobe must be as big as my room manz!]
i asked her to bring us shopping too!!! xP
well, she didn't agree! ):

Monday, August 02, 2004


i just finished writing my testimony and i never feel so great before!!
it's like self-praising myself!!! it rawks manz!
"She revises her work daily and hands in her homework punctually!"
woohoo! a total NO-NO! [true at sometimes tho! xP]
but i feel proud of all that i have done for the band! yayee! =)
and school and KFC!
i wrote a WHOLE paragraph abt my working experience! lalala!
writing this testi brightens me up! -smilex x)-

school was fine.
PE dancing. recess. lunch@ mobil. westmall.
i dislike chem, phy, eng, amaths, ss everything but those listed above.
well well.
at least i am trying to use REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY
to tell myself how much i LOVE chem and phy!

advice of the day:

and you will feel
the rush of ANDRENALINE!

Sunday, August 01, 2004

woohoo. joke of the day. i was locked in my own room.
the knob was stub and the stubborn me refused to admit that it's screwed
and slammed the door right through the knob
and tuh-duh!

it was indeed fun to see my dad ripping the DOOR.
and i was SAVED!
the naive me thought that it will be an awesome excuse to skip school
but well, i guess i am wrong. so so wrong! -bish-

woohoo. i still can't give up.
and i gave myself a title for that!
-Society for Keping Abandoned Puppy[ies].
so who's in my society. me and no one else...
maybe gin will voulunteer to join me.
at least when everyone despised puppies,
i still have gin with me
and i will always be there for her
cause she is my mamasan wife. =)

everything is coming to a standstill.
all that i can do is to watch and pray for you.
i still want the best for you.
i really do.

went pi's church. different. huge. fast.
sermon was done in half an hr. cool. compared to pastor lau's.
didn't manage to know anyone new,
but realised lots of the regular customers at kfc was frm that church.
which is LOTS! the whole youth group!!
bball court. saw allan. nic -> tall, dark and handsome?
none of that sort. but quite cute and he jumps well!
sorry dan, but i need no spare tyres.
i'm getting on real fine. real real fine :)
thanks pi for inviting me to ur church. =)
i miss trio so so so much. bet they have lots of fun w/o me! :(

tuition is boring.
oh. i feel like i was in hawaii when the two guys in front of me were wearin YELLOW.
so bright! so striking! hee hee! =)
mum brought two brellies! for me and vin! which i thought was soooooo sweet!
poor wheel hafta be drenched.
but he commented that he was TOO fast for the rain! -faints-
he is still as ego as ever! -silly wheel :) ! -

this week is gng to be fun!
i miss gin and orchard lib! i miss cafe galilee!
i miss free sandwich! i miss my strawberry S[m]OOTHIE!
stella ng is coming and i will be such a kind soul to help ch get her signature
i will ACT like a fanatic fan and asked for her signature! =)

`if i were to have a pair of wings, i will fly above the sky to watch over you
but do i have a pair of wings?
that's why i can only see you from afar.
but i will still be watching over you.