i reopened my blog cos' i think i need an audience.

hmm.
i think i am damn fickle-minded.


maths is driving me up the wall.
)):


i just saw zhisheng's cof's pics.
how sweet is christian fellowship.
i wonder what happened to mine.




But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
Romans 8:25-26



have i forsaken You?

i think my cousins are REAL cute!!
there's this pri one kid and a 1-yr plus toddler! :D
anw, they are so cute lah!
and i got to watch chicken little with them.
i reckon it's not a BAD show!

haha!

i stayed at home alone for dinner
feeling satisfied with plain porridge cos' i am feeling so uncomfortable with all the oily food CONGREGATING in my poor, weak stomach.

cny has tons of nice shows! :D

so i went to watch i'm not stupid too(2) with my sis.
that 'too' is such a smart pun.
HAHA

anw, the show deserves like 5 stars man!
serious. jack neo is such a realist.
he sees thru every single shit parents, teens and kids faced.
his kids are a lucky lot.
it's so sad )):

but it's saddening that the parents only get to know how their kids feel only thru blogger.
and i like the way they describe teens now.
how we often exclude our parents in our lives,
it's just like a door being closed and to shut everyone out.
so apt.

hmm.
yeah. watch it for ur own yeah.

anw,
after serious thought.
i think i need a break.

((:


take one last look.

happy new year everyone.

i hate it when my friends ain't feeling good.
hai.


i still believe time heals.
and maybe i am thinking too much.
shan't put my hopes too high.
it aint a nice feeling to be disappointed.

it's ok.
happy new yr still.
((:

i like cny,
cos i like to see my family squeezing into a car to go my grandma's place! :D
but prolly this yr,
I GET TO SIT IN MY BRO'S CAR! :D -beams!-
yeah. and that's all for new year.
it's NOT that exciting actually.


behappy. bestrong. bewhatwewere2yrsago.

i love movies with happy endings

i just love happy endings! :D
even though it's cliche and predicatable
i still love happy endings!

cny mood hasn't really sink in yet manx!
oh.

i just rem-ed last yr's chinese new yr!
i went uncle ringo with all the fun rides! i love those rides man! those that turn u 360degrees and hang u upside down for like 30 seconds, just hanging on ur feet!! so fun lahhhhh!! :D

okie. so back to my point of ermx,
un-cny mood.
i think cny's TOOOOOO early this year.
i dont even have time to do shopping!
)):
and cny is the only season when i can shop and ask for money back!
alright! THAT'S TOO MUCH!!

hmm. i am feeling a teeny weeny tired now.
)):

i think i miss zeanpok :D
zean: stop wearing ur pyjamas and go bainian! :D and yea, wear nice nice to ginbabe's placeeee! :D



everything's just so awkward.
it's just not there yet.

"Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people"

"You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice."

i just did the above personality test.
apparently, the test is quite determined to make me someone who is not so nice.
maybe i ain't that nice.
that's why i don't have much friends.

"You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. You could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high."

so true.
but i think it's not just expectations, there are certain restricitions and principles that i lived by.
life just ain't abt doing what u prefer.
there are still certain code of conduct we need to follow,
especially for Christians who are in the world, but not of the world.

i should just stop complaining.
i should make like 1000 more friends.
i should try to treat them differently, maybe they will love me more
i should just vanish
then all these would be gone.

xD

gushhhhh.

De Profundis

Oh why is heaven built so far,

Oh why is earth set so remote?

I cannot reach the nearest star

That hangs afloat.

I would not care to reach the moon,

One round monotonous of change;

Yet even she repeats her tune

Beyond my range.

I never watch the scatter'd fire

Of stars, or sun's far-trailing train,

But all my heart is one desire,

And all in vain:

For I am bound with fleshly bands,

Joy, beauty, lie beyond my scope;

I strain my heart,

I stretch my hands,

And catch at hope.

Christina Georgina Rossetti

i think she's a fabulous poet ((:

even though she's damn ancient.

i found the root of my misery.
but i don't know how to eradicate it.
there's only one way,
and that's too much to be sacrificed.

and i really treasure people who care,
but i afraid of those who give me half-hearted concern.
i know i can't expect pple to be always there for me.
i do give these kind of empty promises at times too. i'm guilty of this.

yeah, sometimes you just wonder,
who really cares?

i gotta sleep
it ain't a good day today.

anw, i'm dumping my kinder bueno.
i want back my kitkat chunky.
i need smth REAL sweet.

i wanna be a poet.
i want pple to annotate my poems
annotate my life.
provided that i've got the abilities.



`i wanna be back in you arms, Lord.

SAG-C is a tempermental lot.
and everyone has their turn to throw a tantrum, drop a tear, have a moodswing, hibernate in class, miss a lecture, doing things alone.
and it is highly infectious

i wonder.
do we feel that way cos' everyone feels it too?
or is it just normal
that girls aren't that stable.

regular moodswings are normal right too right?

anw
i got a really funny joke!!

two fishes are kept in a tank.
so what did one fish say to the other?

guessing?


still guessing right?



ans: did you go army? cos' i cant drive a tank!

HAHAHAHAHA! ((:

shengde: i think this is funny-er than three text cure!! :D


shucks. my bro wanna use the com
)):
i need a com for myself!

happy birthday MAD! :D

all these lucky babes who turn 18 at the start of the year.

according to mad, those with two faces on their IC can't learn driving.

this is like HOW SAD man!

so bloody unfair!!!

i wanna learn driving! -whines-

mad's birthday celebration was so much fun! ((:

strawberrycheesecake.selfblownballoons.birthdaycards.

tunacheesesandwiches.nuggets.fishnuggets.pineappletarts.cycling.

seaweedgamefriedoyster.sugarcanewithlemon.singing.winniethepoohpartyhats.

and also a downpour.

so we practically cycled from a bright and sunny day to a dark grey clouds looming day to a raining cats and dogs day!

but it was helllotsoffun!

it has been a LONGLONG time since i let my hair down.

and cycling in the rain was wayyyyyy cool.

allow the cold wind to brush against your hair.

let the rain washes you inside out.

as you pick up speed and raced down the cycling path

while others hide in the small little shelters.

it's then

you realised, what's freedom.

okie. this is random. but that was practically what i was feeling at that point of time.

for the first time, i love rain! :D

still rem the quote someone used as a msn nick:

"i love walking in the rain,

cause i won't know if it's rain or tears

that are flowing down my cheeks"

so we were drenched like bananas and it seems like we went swimming instead of cycling.

and yeah, we got stuck in the rain for 2hrs at some kopitiam.

(we did try to hide from the rain cos' it was like thunderstorm!)

alright. i am lazy to continue! please go to eunice's blog!! :D

went to work on sat and ot-ed. and daddy and mummy came and fetched me! :D

it's fun lah. i was practically doing nothing. cos i got no table to serve.

simply opened the doors for the food presentation. stack coffeecups. wipe glass tables. folded 100 napkins. helped law to calculate the vouchers. talked to the bartender uncle. watched the dinner and dance programme.

that's all! how slack in this!! :D

i am officially known as mummy's girl and alien in copthorne.

mummy's girl cos' i always call my mum to ask her whether i can ot.

alien cos' i asked stupid questions. and it's stupid to them cos' they practically know copthorne inside out while i still know nuts.

me: where do you put the side dish?

shaun: here lah! you alien.

me: huh! here where.

shaun 'slapped' the side dish on the table.

shaun: aye, you REALLY from mars leh!

ailian asked shaun to do smth.

shaun: wait lah. i am entertaining alien.

and shaun is officially on my most-hate number 1 list.

this weekend has been a hectic one for me.

i am like seriously wear out.

and today sucks cause i was feeling so disorientated and tired.

today i'm on hibernating mood. i was hiding in class in school and at home now.

i see PILES of hmwk to be handed up after cny.

so many things happened during the weekends i wished school will never start.

at least i were doing things i enjoyed doing.

anw, zs got baptised. he's such a good bro in christ ((:

and darren came. he's still the same.

and i thought he went to the army alr.

chey.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST LYD! :D

actually, i am quite jealous of her!! she got a bunch of really thoughtful cliques! xuyun has been planning her bday surprise two weeks ago! this is like so sweet lah!!

so, i wasn't planning to meet lyd till sat until xuyun called me to be an accomplice in her birthday surprise. i was asked to meet xy at holland v to get 18 balloons and cake and blah blah and cabbed down to jj. hahha.

and lyd was so surprised that i went down to celebrate her birthday lah!

cos' trio's policy is to not bother celebrating one another's bday.

what a lame policy man!

but we all know we love one another so much, presents and dates are insignificant!

i think i am seeing a little light in my life.

i shldn't wallow too much.

maybe, perhaps

monotony might bring out new surprises for me ((:

i wanna be optimistic.

i will try.

((:

my cows collection is expanding!! ((:

i got a new cow keychain and my sis got a cow vacuum cleaner and a cow bottle and a cow box

and ya,

i drew myself a pair of cow shoes during the holidays! :D

ilovecows! :D

moooooooooo!

i told jean that i love sleeping.

cos when you slp, u are worry-less, happy-less, sad-less, whatever-less

you just feel so peaceful and calm

(unless u do have a nightmare)

but don't you realise that even if they are nightmares, they ain't true.

much more less painful that the truth we face in reality.

it's true, isn't it?

and i love the medicine i am taking now,

it causes drowsiness and i can slp damn easily!

that's good right!! :D

ciaos for now! gushhh! ((:

the 9pm show on channel 8 is pissing me off.
that stupid sister lah!!!
argh
it just hurts when two people in love can't be together.

-yells-
i am getting affected by a drama show again.
this sucks man )):



i have not much of a choice isn't it?
i can't do anything if there's no one to do anything to.

loner mood alert.

there's nth more to expect then to count down to the day when i can finally leave nj.
and self-satisfaction is something we are seeking to make ourselves feel better.
the 'we' sound over-generalising, i guess.

u know. larkin's kinda cool. but i prefer the abstract ideas from hughes. <-- this is random

i am really cursed. tuesdays sucks,
and it just simply sinked in to me naturally.

'we aren't very expressive.'
it's quite true. sometimes i can't put what i feel into words.
that's why everytime i blogged,
my idea is always written in 2-3 sentences.

i know exactly what i should do. theoretically
i know i can't fall into the same trap again.
i know i know how to
i know i can't do all these sh*t.


what's the point


haha. i learnt a new 'word' a few days before.
gushhhhhh.
wahaha. gush's like. water flowing?

anw, my msn is spoilt. i cant logged in.
i kinda miss msn )):

Have You Forgotten?

Christina Rossetti

Have you forgotten how one Summer night

We wandered forth together with the moon,

While warm winds hummed to us a sleepy tune?

Have you forgotten how you praised both light

And darkness; not embarrassed yet not quite

At ease? and how you said the glare of noon

Less pleased you than the stars? but very soon

You blushed, and seemed to doubt if you were right.

We wandered far and took no note of time;

Till on the air there came the distant call

Of church bells: we turned hastily, and yet

Ere we reached home sounded a second chime.

But what; have you indeed forgotten all?

Ah how then is it I cannot forget?

you ain't trying.
so should i?


p r o j e c t r u n w a y is a biased show.
blah! is w endy p epper THAT bad?
but her kid is so cute! :D
it's alright!! she's top3! ((:


i finished the book i just borrowed and bought.
message in the bottle was such a romantic book!! i wanna be theresa minus-ing the part when garrett died in the storm. it was so nice, i read the book till 3am!
bitch goddess notebook is a psychotic book. it's all abt sex, self-mutilation, mutilation, drug abuse. but it's a super interesting book actually.

anw, i think gin always meet funny pple.
oh yoz yoz yoz! fan-tastic ((:


HAHAHA!!

pain is good.

but there's a reason why i don't cut myself.
i am afraid.

and jean, we need self-help books! or some love-yourself seminars man.


andddd i am so proud of my dad.
i really do :D
he's so uber sweet, i feel like falling in love ((:
but feelings fade off so easily, i think i am sceptical.


and i think i am a sour grape.
i wanna feel belonged too. but it's really hard.
people tend to be exclusive and i can't help it.
part of me wants to be alone too.



`the clique is cool.

i guess i wanna be in it no more.
thanks for your invitiation.

but perhaps it's just me,
always thinking too much.





`i just wanna be free.
without boundaries, without restrictions.

saw this funny picture on some website!
and ya, sandwiches are called THREE TEXT CURE!!
and cheese is called MANY PRIVATES!

like what jeanpok will say!
REALLY TOO MUCH LAH!

haha! i'm still alive after today's band prac!
cheers :D

it sets me thinking,
is it REALLY that hard to be happy?
maybe i do feel happier than before.
perhaps it's just time. and human's instinct to learn to ADAPT.

that's the spirit man, annie :D
A-D-A-P-T ((:



`i really don't care what others think.


take it or leave it.
that's it.

happy hari raya haji to all my malay friends!!

which are only a handful tho )):

it's NOT that i am racist or whatsoever,
i just happen to be in classes with mostly chinese ever since sec sch o_0
but it's ok, it's not the quantity that matters, it's the QUALITY :D

sag-c is such a funny clique name :D -rofl-
but at least i AM at ease with them ((:
there are people i really can't get along with.
they get under my skin.

i love my life now tho' it's significantly gray,
but apparently, everyone is still in their high spirits now ((:
but it's going to suck sooner or later.
and it will sink in again.

i kinda wish it will just stop there, but perhaps not.
it kindof sucks to be so restricted.

nienie outing tmrw!!! :DDDDDDDDDD
it's time to update our already faded neoprints :D
jean asked me to blog abt her. alright. we both lead uncolourful life.
BUT IT'S OK!!! :D



`l locked my door upon myself,
bar them out; but who shall wall
Self from myself, most loathed of all.
-christina rossetti


i guess i'm losing myself.
and yes jean, there's a thousand reasons why i hate myself too.
come back, annie.


mistergod,
this is annie.
i still love u.

my blog is getting quite popular suddenly.

hmm.
or perhaps my counter is faulty.

ah, whatever man.
welcome to my blog by the way.


work was fine last night. lots of new faces too.

i admit that i feel attached to work. it's like, the sense of adrenaline rush when the whole banquet starts. NO SLOW WAITRESSES ALLOWED. and if shaun were there, i will be scolded by him NON-STOP. what legs too short lah, walk too slow lah.
and the only comfort for all these hard work i was putting in was the couple's happiness.

and cool,
i witnessed the whole 'i do' thing yesterday. the justice of peace (some witness for marriage one lah) was so funny. he was joking throughout the whole ceremony. and I WAS THE ONLY STAFF IN THE BANQUET HALL!! i need not carry the heavy plate but simply pulling the skirt of the bride. -beams- -beams- ((:

that's abt it. i received 6 boxes ystd :D


i think singapore is flooding at the rate it's raining.
it BETTER don't rain on tues )):

i miss attending weddings.

the way the couple look and only see each other in their eyes.
the time the red aisle seems to be only for the couple.
the only time to reassure you tt happy ever after(s) still exist even if it's only for a night.


our lives now are not that happy ever afters.
perhaps it will never be.


selfish asses.
you guys did it once again.


-scream-

if i can, i would want to be a nun.

you need to brush up on your language.
learn more.
cos' you are slowly killing me.

arghhhhhhhhhh!

anw, i heard some news today.
you know, i'm like a sponge.
but apparently, some news get to me slower.

i don't feel like judging this news lah. i mean, do i really care?
not really.
i'm just feeling a little disgusted, disappointed and it sorta arouse my curiosity,

exactly how far would a person go to get reach their aims/desires?

it's rather frightening to see people fighting, competing or whatsoever to acheive some of their sinful desires. they go to all extent, ignoring other people's feelings, brushing aside all moralities. In this dog eat dog society, it's almost a common sight for all these shit to happen.

and the most frightening fact is that this competitive mindset can be seen in young children in our present age.

kinda sucks anyway.

all the best to you.

school is fine when there's not much interaction with a lot of people.
i would rather keep myself in my own safety nest.

for now, happy will mean not depressed.
cos' I AM HAPPY STILL :D

2nd day of school! :D

anw, we got chased out of ca6.

now we are at some non-aircon place that requires us to climb thousand of steps before reaching! )): and now, we are nearer to civilisation cos our maths lectures are with the sci fac, our classroom is near the other classes.

NO MORE ARTS FAC AND SCI FAC DISCRIMINATION!

and mr leong really left us

and i miss ca 6.

the view from ca6. and this is only the horizontal view of it.

actually we are on this hill. so we can looked down from a high point overlooking the track. i alw sit there and study when i need time alone and while i refused to go to the library. ca6 is like our own mini-community and obviously, other than ca5 which is often empty, our ca6 is always left on our own. our mini paradise from the rest of the population in njc.

our last picture in ca6 and i closed my eyes!!

it's ok! after a whole year of changes in 2005, i think i am getting used to experience MORE changes. kinda numbed to it anyway.

and ya, how i wished i could be as happy as qiling to be back to school.

[click here]

me and gin's theory was when yesterday started, this torture will not end till end of nov.

oh well.

i also want to go china and break my leg.
then no school for 2 months :D



`Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness up into one Ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife,
Thorough the Iron gates of Life.

whahaha. i think i lile paper 8 now.
dead cabbages collects worms dull inactive student always fail :D

i think i am so happy,
i can fly! :D

pics from some random nienie outings!

it's good to look back and realised how much you have grown.

physically, emotionally or even spiritually.

and it finally dawn upon me that tmrw's school.

went popular to stock my stationary. i found a huge crowd instead of my pencil.

it was packed with parents with assesments, kids with books and mummy with popular card.

it's yr 2006 already and i'm all alone at home using the computer. my parents are seemingly quite happening for their age man. bet they are out celebrating with their friends.

they shared the same group of friends cause my parents were actually classmates in sec school and this bunch of friends have been together since then.

this year (2006) didn't start off very well actually. me and lyd wanted to make a trip down to esplanade and countdown with xl and company but apparently tmrw's sabbath day(sunday's church day) and the church adults want us to be in bed early so we will be alert for service tmrw. so it kinda screwed everything up lah.

parents are really too much sometimes.
-yells and gaspe for air-

since everyone has been doing this, i shld do a simplistic one too

recollections of 2005
2005 started not too bad. the usual heebies jeebies were felt on the first day of school. new environment, new people and new uniform. it wasn't all that bad since first 3 months were rumoured to be the only period when jc life will be fun.

first 3 months were really nice. with s24. all my days were spent eating in the canteen, bridge-ing in the student lounge or classroom, pool-ing with stanley and the ac guys or in the chem lab looking at stanley dng nonsense with some of the chemicals. whatever it was, life was still fun and enjoyable.

i have no idea why i was willing to stay on in nj, but i believed that it's God's will that i stayed on. and i trust that His way is best.

apparently the rumour was super accurate, life took a 180degrees turn.

i didn't know what got over me and life in nj becomes being alone and being alone all the time. i realised being a loner needs a truckloads of courage; to reject all forms of companionship, all sincere welcomes and allows the queen of self-satisfying to set in. and what's wrong with being alone actually, we do need time for reflections.

and actually, nj library became our fave hangout.
and 'our' refers to me, gin, siew and cheryl. we were always at the library o_0

that period was quite tramautising with all the barely passing results, a civics tutor who seems to thrive on picking on me, a cca which doesn't even show me a wee bit of warmth and welcome, friendships that are in total mess and spiritual life that was at the bottom of the cliff. and when people leave and pursue their their own interests and they suddenly seem so far away.

most of all, pstr cheah passed away.

it took me almost 4 mths to pick myself up. thankful that week's tuesday was bright n sunny
:D
perhaps the weather behaves simultaneously with my mood ((:

it's really a matter of time, some people adapt faster then the others and i was the lucky one who took much more time then those who love nj cos' i really don't.

and tragically, i did not make any close friends in nj. and my fellow cheong-ster seems so far away so are my fellow trios.
but it's ok, cos we all know our love for one another is strong! :D

i am thankful for jean who seems to be holding the nienie family tgt.
lyd who is always there for me to bitch with every sunday.
my barneybro who listened to me on tt fateful evening when some thing came to an end.
rojak family who organised MORE outings this year then ever.
trio who are forever with me in my spiritual walk with God no matter what.
nienie family who provides me with endless laughters
and lastly, my guardian force who never fails to suan and make me lose money.
and thank God for bringing me through this year though it has been a hard one.

and i went zoo, night safari, bird park, hongkong, disneyland, orchid park, botanical gardens cck cemetary this year. these places mark significant memories to me; good or bad.

i really do miss that annie that is mostly happy.

and the same day last year was a happy day at yew tee ((: i miss xinlin's bed too.

annie's gonna try to have LONG hair too! :D
[i can't stop harping on this!!!]



`bye (mr/mrs/mdm/ms/miss/homo) 2005. i wished you have never come.
welcome ms 2006, i wish you will be merciful towards me. once is enough.