Saturday, July 31, 2004

i am a HAPPY GIRL! (:

i got myself two new mistresses -> sui* and jas*
and i refused to acknowledge that gay partner of mine.
[she's gross and horny!!!]
DOWN with gay-ism!! xP

sch is such a CHORE!
the only things i love abt sch are
LUNCH AT MOBIL! -icecream`chocs
PE lessons! -dancing (:
it will be so fun if our time table is
=> breakfast. pe dancing lessons. breaks. recap on dancing lessons. lunch. home.
yayee! no mock tests, no rupa. no gek. NOTHING!

alright. i am selfish. ):
and i am NO acting minister of the MOE
[ohhhhh! he's coming to my sch today to launch some mobile learning thing]
my sch is darn cool!
funky principal. big tummy vice principal. CARING dMs
anddddddd modern sec 1s who use tablet PCs to study.
the sec 1s bring their laptops to sch and use it for lessons.
BLAH! unfair!! I ALSO WANT -whines.
so funky lahhhhh! can't stand it!

`i miss my sis.

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

if i could ever turn back time,
i hope i will never walk onto that path.
so that you will always be that
fantasy of mine

gummy bear. passion drive.
what a fantasy! 

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

she's just a girl. i really wonder how.
she's just a normal teenager.
she goes through all that we go through.
she indulges in pain.
she cuts herself.
she's living in her own world.
she thinks she is always right
and anything that go against her will,
is counted as
abusing her rights.
she go to all extent to get revenge.
she does everything to tell others how much she suffer.
she refused to acknowledge that she is all wrong. so very wrong.

it's wrong to continue in that path.
it's all wrong.

Monday, July 26, 2004

i just like the thrill when i run.
i forget about e v e r y t h i n g.
nothing but the thought of completing the course.
how i wish i am running every single moment.
running away from this evil world.

i hate this world.
i see the satan dng his work.
bruise him my dear Lord.
keep him away frm me.
chasten me.
forgive me of my iniquity.

`i give my life to you dear Lord.
show me Thy ways. 

Sunday, July 25, 2004

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trio rawks.
we are anti-socialists.
and we can do nothing abt it.
let us be.

yesterday is over.
and that means that a chapter in my live is through.
i'm off to the next chapter in life.
*crossing fingers*

speech day was boring. but mrs gek looked damn cute!! =)
was mrs chua's bday! love her so!
and it's our one year anniversary for getting a gold. =)
everything just went by in a whizz..
too much to be spoken, too much to be remembered.
some memories are just not meant to be forgotten.
band days are over. and this band is undergoing some revolution
that i can't even seem to fit in now.
perhaps i am old. perhaps i am useless.
perhaps everything is over. my band life.

went for some performance.
it was good lah.  i mean their performing arts theatre is good.
it's like 3 times bigger than ours? and at least they have a platform for their stage.
their piano is bigger. chairs are permanant.
this is the difference of being an independent sch and a govt sch.
the guys are rowdy. real noisy!!
i reckon dimple guys are cute!! =)
for the 2nd half of the show was accompanied by a lil kid.
she's so hyper.
in fact i was like practically playing with the kid lah!!
didn't really watch the performance.
she talked to me in malay which i totally don't understand lah,
so i just blabbered some funny words.
then she burst out laughing when everyone was so quiet.
so the whole audience turned and looked at us! so embarrassing!!! =(
ahahaha! well! fun fun!

if i were not bounded by so many restrictions,
i will follow every step u take.
i will go to every extent to be there for you.
but i am restricted.
for He is watching over me.
i wanna forsake but i can't.
u were once my everything.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

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all that i was waiting for, were nothing
but empty promises.

it's been 3 weeks since school started. 
wonder how did i survive this torturing 3 weeks?
so much. so much had happened.
never expect myself to be able to witness all these,
the vulnerability.
the unexpected.
the unpredictable.
this world is lethal.
so so so dangerous.
`please hold on to me
i never wanna fall back in again.
maybe till the time is ripe.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

i also wanna be a PRINCESS! =]]
[look at the blog pic]
i am in a lala mood today!
no muggings for me manz! =]
maybe later  :
church was fun. no badmood.
lunch was fun too. with daytona! *opps
tuition was fun too!
tell u abt tuition! super funny.
this guy behind me fell aslp halfway.
then he dropped his worksheet and calculator
into the pail of water beside him.
[that pail is super big kind. can squeeze a 10yr old kid in]
so funny. then he suddenly wake up lor!
mr gab was so funny too! =)
so macho. he was like "do u need another ws? in case u drop urs again!"
he said with the cheeky look! -grinz
it was super funny lah!! tho it doesn't sound that funny here.
alvin was laughing like mad lah!
and this girl wore BOOTS  for tuition.
ahhaa! tshirt, shorts and BOOTS!
alright. i am being mean. -look innocently 

nice day today!!! =]]]]
hope tmrw's chem will not spoil my mood.

missing you, ethanol seah. 
`i choose to see only the beauty that it's in you.
-forgive and forget

Saturday, July 17, 2004

Too serious too soon
I wanted you to love me
I wanted to be there for you like no one else before
Too serious too soon
I wanted you to love me
It's been a rainy afternoon
Now I'm staring at the moon thinking
We got too serious too soon

i reckon so too.

Friday, July 16, 2004

[deleted entry]

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

i don't know what got over me.
the reminiscence of the past.
the repetition of history.
sh*t me man.

why can't i put back this past?
it still lingers within me.
i imagined as i walked down the same path.
i just can't grabbed those memories out of me
and dumped it down the rubbish chute.
and u...
why must u keep turning ur head to look for me?
why must u be the one?

i dun wanna fall anymore.
falling down is too painful. much too painful.
but waiting hurts too.

for i am now waiting in vain.

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

adapted from "i kissed dating goodbye" by joshua harris

Anna walked down the aisle towards david. joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. he gently took her hand, and they turned towards the alter. =)

But as the minister began to lead anna and david thru their vows, the unthinkable happened. a girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the alter, and took david's other hand. another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to anna.

Anna felt her lips beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. "is this some kind of joke?" she whispered to david.

"I'm sorry, anna. they are girls frm my past. they don't mean anything to me now... but i've given part of my heart to each of them."

"I thought ur heart was mine," she said.

"It is, it is," he pleaded, "everything that's LEFT is YOURS."

ya. so this is what i read in this book. kinda scary.
imagine on ur wedding day,
u hear all these frm the man u are going to marry
and he said, "i gave u everything that is left."
that definitely hurts.
so if ur husband had 10 girls before u.
so u only have 1/11 of his heart. -pricks- that hurts.
so, keep ur hearts pure
to give ur wife the 100% of u
to show her how precious she is to u.

`seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.
not our own desires.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

abandoned puppies.

feeling so like a loser again.
or perhaps,
like wha gin have said,
abondoned puppy.

wth with all these pigheads?
too much lard again!!
why can't they do smth to
make their brain cells work properly.

why did u shove me to the End of the World?
i yearn for nothing.
i really do ask for nth.
nothing anymore.
being stabbed once.
stabbed twice.
stabbed a thousand times
that i realised that no pain is much more
unbearable then those words that
stabbed right thru the centre of me.
i don't ask for ur love anymore.
i am asking for ur friendship.
but i reckon i am asking the impossible.
i am really trying to be so honest now.
i hope u do read.
at least tell me if u read.
pls do.
i guess u know who u are.

sometimes a young heart like ours
must have some pain so we can be ready for true love,
think all of us can learn lessons thru this

must we really suffer all these?

Saturday, July 03, 2004

i reckon that i am climbing out of the bottomless pit
that i have dug.
tho every step i take, i am sliding backwards,
but i still think i'm making a remarkable improvement.
-crossing fingers.

trying so hard to pretend
that i don't feel the pain within.
trying so hard to put on the megawatt smile
that i wanna give to everyone
trying so hard to remind myself
that the f- exams are coming.
trying so hard to tell myself
to get a good grip and to get a life.
trying so hard to turn back time so
that i will nv hear the truth, the words from u.
trying so hard to not regret
the foolish acts i have done.
trying so hard to acknowledge
that i am wrong, so very wrong.
and after so long,
i finally see the courage i have in me
by 'shoving my pride in my drawer
and locking my dignity in the toilet.'
[quoted by gin]

`` i am a 'Girl of New Destiny.'