i learnt a new phrase frm lyd today
elective mutism,
which apparently is my latest hobby now.

i used to love yapping away like a noisy mosquito
but now, i stopped talking to people i don't feel comfortable with.

alright.
so what happened ystd?
i was partnered with this guy, a china guy who can't speak english. and for me, i wasn't totally proficient in speaking chinese.so his name was tong xin, alright not tong xin yuan. he's rather built or perhaps fat but useless. he was a newcomer, and i wasn't exactly skilled.alright. so i just hope he would be more pro-active.
and i was entirely wrong.

he spent the whole night pouring drinks, tea and getting scolded by me. i was running from tables to tables. portioning food for 3 tables from course 2 to 9. serving drinks, clearing plates and carrying that 4kg oblong tray back and forth the kitchen. and he was still there, carrying an empty tray not sure what to do or just holding the kettle trying to pour tea for those already filled cups

arghhhhh.
just thinking of it irks me.

i won't mind if he can just carry the dishes back and forth cos' it's really heavy. but he cant even carry a 3kg oblong tray. he was shaky and stuff and it irritated me. so i asked him to put it down, and i took that tray and carried it myself. i wasn't gng to let him put me down.

he was bloody lazy too lah! he took like 3 cups of orange juice when we only need 1 and the banquet was already ending. i bet he left his brains at home or smth.i am not trying to be mean, but seriously i was doing 2 person's job. and i was scolded by the manager for being slow.

thanks lawrence for being so nice to me to put that tongxin with me.
and he even have the audicity to ask me why i look so sad.

yeah. and this aggravated my situation that night.
i broke down even before the banquet started.
maybe just moodswinging.

at least i am not gng back till april.
and by july i will be bidding farewell to this job. officially.
but i wanna do it now, but i am proven to be indecisive.
i need e cash too. (this is trivial.cos' i just nd to stop indulgin on retail therapy)

church was refreshing today.
anguish and tears. seen and unseen.God's plan.
talkin to lyd makes me feel good.
seeing a parent aching for her child inspired me.

and lyd asked me smth. and it made me cry (teared)
i never regretted. never.
but honestly, there were times, when i thought i would be better without.
selective memories.
i did not need to select, it's already etched in me.

ystd's night was horrid.
let faith lead me, cos' i am faltering. really am.

and you: i'll support you in whatever you think is best. it's gonna be a long wait. but be patient. it's really hard to not see myself in you. i'm like a subplot to ur life and u are a subplot to mine. it's like a mirror image of both our lives. it sucks, or perhaps it's not too bad cos' at least we still have each other to depend on. but yeah, i'm honestly not a good friend and i'm sorry.
my life is screwed.
but yeah, girls of new destiny.


"when i was all crazy in school that's when i thought i could just move on"

life just couldn't get better.
but i learnt an important lesson during sunday school today.
God didnt ask us to be happy, He asked us to be contented.
we are pertually depressed cos' we aim for happiness and forsake contentment.

oh yeah, the comments thingy is still available, but i can't change it to white font cos' i lost my haloscan password and username. so the tagboard is back in action.
do tag. ((:


"And we'll become silhouettes when our bodies finally go"
the postal service. we will become silhouttes