Tuesday, March 23, 2004

sorry jie. i am not acting that i am all self-righteous.
but i really feel that it's super unfair.
bro don't need to get all the scoldings while i need.
it's always me. why me? why?
ok. i accept the fact that both of us were in the wrong
and i truly admit that i were at fault too.
for reacting in such aggressive way. and worse... it aggravates mummy.

and to conclude sis's talk with me ystd.
i've got attitude problem.
i know sis is trying so hard to think frm my perspective,
i am too stubborn perhaps. oh well. i will change.

ystd was a tear flowing day. after sis's talk.
got so agitated that i dunno what had happened to me.
some horrible thougts ran passed me. felt like cutting.
nah. shook that thought away. that's too much for me to handle.
had this hole in my room where i will hit.
the deeper it is signifies the times when i'm feeling real frustrated.
i hit that hole again
dunked myself with 3 panadols. phew. i am still alive.
decided to find my refuge in God.
cried as i sing. and cried myself to sleep.

what a dramatic night. handled it all by myself.
at that point of time. i really miss my chocolates.
luckily there was my Bible.
realised how stupid i was to have the thought of harming myself.
arghx. regretted it. afterall the whole drama was initiated by my attitude problem.
sorry sis, mum, dad and bro. sorry to myself too.
oh well i will nv do it again.

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