i officially HATE tuesdays.
the last tuesday and today are both gloomy days.
the rain raineth all over the island.
the sun shineth no more.
the clouds covereth all skies.
the wind bloweth till our hairs stand on its ends.
my mood dampeth like the rain falleth.
sigh.

i hate tuesday )):

pastor cheah left us today )):
everytime bakwei sends me a msg, my heart skipped a beat.
i'm so afraid that it'll be a bad news.
but yet, now that he's up in heaven with our Almighty Father,
it's also a moment to rejoice.
For the Lord our God is always good.

tho' at times, my sinful heart will doubt my faith.
question myself the existence of Him,
question His purpose and plan.
sigh
what a deceitful heart )):

i prayeth i can put the past back.
'to bury it in a grave as deep and as dark as Alberta's grave'
[frm dark seed by V.C Andrews]
i must learn to stand on my own again
to close my heart to emotions.
to learn not to be reliant on one so easily
i am making little improvements,
frequently coming back to the same spot again and again.
)):
i can't hold my dignity. i can't hold my pride.
so much that have been given up, and so much i have give in
till nothing is left but my Lord
and perhaps a stronger faith.