i think i will be on tv soon :D

catch channel 8's 'new home, new life: tsunami anniversary special'

on this coming sat, 3feb @ 9.30pm

hmm. sometimes, i really do wonder what's my motivation in doing community services.

i doubt myself. i doubt whether am i doing it purely out of kindness or simply out to showcase.

i've no idea myself. but what am i trying to prove?

ultimately, i would love to justify my actions as solely out of kindness cos' i definitely find joy in doing all these.

to see the smiles on the kids' face, telling you how much they love having you with them.

to see the anguish of their incapabilities.

to see the joy of your fellow team mates and definitely moments of displeasures and irritation.

imagine a girl seeing you for the first time and saying, "I am so happy to see you. How are you? You are so pretty." All these they mumbled in broken english that they tried to pick up while awaiting for the occasional visits from us.

thinking back, what i missed most about the aceh trip (oh, not again) is the common identity and interests for the same things. to help and to be helped.

and guess what. i really really missed that time over there.

if only i could go on that mongolia trip with mad and shu.

but things will be different, wouldn't it?

different team mates, different focus. a whole new get-to-know-you-better experience.

alright, i am digressing. and like laiyee, i can only do 1.5 things at a time.

and i am starting to have my 'screensaver mood'

br>

and yes, i haven been watching movies and not really wanting to do so.

i ain't got much of a life. and also rather preoccupied in other stuff (of don't know what)

but anyway, that wasn't much of a point.

if only life is self-defined.

i need to get my legs back into running shoes.

i seemed to have forgotten how much enjoyment long distance has brought me so far, through all my stress, troubles, fears and simply alone-time to be alone.

"unchanged by time" from bonesetter's daugther seems to be flawed cos' it's simply not enough to sustain my small little fantasy on consistency and permanence.

and till thy time, i will be urs.